


Long Term Patients

by hermioneg1127



Category: Escape the Night (Web Series), Smosh, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: F/F, M/M, Rofiya, Strangers to Lovers, hospital au, not gay in real life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-07-05 06:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15857814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermioneg1127/pseuds/hermioneg1127
Summary: Rosanna Pansino has had Cancer for quite a while. She's been stuck at the Hospital for 6 months now. She's been the only girl as well. One day, a new girl arrives by the name of Safiya Nygaard. She's a long term patient, But why is she here?





	1. Why are You Here?

"Ok Rosanna, tell me how you're feeling today?" Nurse Allison looked up from her clip board. Rosanna was sketching on the notepad her mom had brought for her. Her mom visits almost every day. 

"I’m feeling quite tired today. But other than that, I’m fine. Chemo didn’t take too much out of me yesterday." 

"That’s good. So is today a red day then?" A red marble meant a good day, a blue marble meant a bad day. 

"Yeah." Rosanna got up out of the chair and put a marble in the 'Good day' jar. "Are there any new kids here? It’s kinda lonely being one of the only girls that has a semi-permanent stay in the hospital."

"As of right now, no. I'll let you know if we do though, you can be her first friend. What are you drawing?"

"It’s just a pair or sneakers hanging by the laces. I just wanted to draw it." 

"Let me know how it turns out. I'll come back when lunch is ready. You're free to walk around if you're up to it."

"Ok, I’m going to go to the waiting room and see if anyone needs anything.

"Oh, Rosanna, you're so precious." The nurse left and Rosanna took the elevator down to the waiting room. She always liked to see the families waiting. She knew what it was like to have to wait. She had to wait in that very room for the diagnosis to come back. She walked around the room and said hi to the parents and talked to the kids. She was used to getting questions like, 'do you work here' or 'why are you here'. She ended up playing with a little kid for a bit when all of the sudden the red lights were flashing.

"What's going on?" There was panic going on throughout the waiting room. Rosanna jumped on the nearest table. 

"Everyone calm down!" She shouted. And they did. "This might seem scary, but it’s fine. Nothings wrong with you. It just means that a patient in critical condition is coming in, and they're notifying the doctors." Everyone seemed to feel better and calmed down. Rosanna quickly ran to the stairs to see what was happening. She saw her friend Mark there. He has cystic fibrosis. He was sitting on the couch reading a book.

"What's happening?" She asked him and sat down.

"Supposedly there's a new girl coming in. She’s going to be a long term member."

"So she's one of us?" 

"Yeah. Lucky you. You'll finally get another girl." Rosanna smiled a bit. 

"What do you think her condition is?" Rosanna asked Mark.

"I don’t know. I’m betting it'll be something bad, since she’s in critical condition. Maybe like a kidney cancer and she went into shock or something."

"Is there anything else you remember hearing?"

"She's you're age, 17." Mark went back to reading his book. Rosanna got up and went back to her room. She sat down on her bed and went back to sketching. She was waiting to ask Nurse Allison about the new person.

*Time Skip*

Nurse Allison knocked on Rosanna's door and then walked in. 

"I’ve got your lunch. By the way, there’s a new girl that will be staying here for an undetermined amount of time." She set the tray down on the table. 

"Yeah I heard. Mark told me what he knew." Rosanna got up and went to eat at the table. She had a salad with mixed fruit and a bottle of water.

"What did you hear?" The nurse asked.

"Well," Rosanna said in between bites, "she’s my age, 17, and she's in clinical condition."

"That is quite accurate. I wonder how he always finds this stuff out. But yes, she's seventeen, and her name is Sophia."

"What happened to her?" Rosanna wanted to get the answer out of her, even though she probably couldn’t.

"You know I can’t tell you. Patient-Doctor confidentiality." Nurse Allison got up to leave.

"But you're a nurse." Rosanna stated, in a matter-of-fact tone.

"She's still my patient. She can tell you, but I can’t."

"Please?" This was Rosanna's last attempt of getting it out of her. 

"Nope. But I'll tell you her room number when she’s out of critical condition and able to see guests." Nurse Allison left the room and Rosanna was left to eat her food alone. This mystery girl, Safiya, had her puzzled.

———————————————

It was around 5 o'clock when Nurse Allison came back to Rosanna's room. Rosanna had been finishing up her sneakers sketch.

"Safiya is available to see people now. The number is 3025. Her parents are in there though." Nurse Alison left the room. Rosanna threw back the blanket and ran for the stairs. At this time of day the elevators would be too busy. She went up as quickly as she could. She already knew where room 3025 was. 

She reached the door. It was closed, so she knocked. She heard a faint, 'come in.'

"Did you need something doctor?" A man said before turning and seeing Rosanna standing there. Rosanna was looking at the adults, she hadn’t even thought to look at the bed yet. 

"Are you lost, sweetheart?" The woman said. Rosanna could only assume that she was the wife, and therefore the mom.

"Oh no. Sorry, this must seem really weird. My name is Rosanna Pansino. And I’m a patient here."

"If you're a patient then how are you able to go around the hospital? Shouldn’t you be confined to your room and the bathroom?" The man said.

"I’m a long term patient, so I’m allowed to go to certain places in the hospital, like the lounge, cafeteria, and other long term patients rooms. And, if I’ve been told correctly, your daughter is also a long term patient. At least I can only assume she's your daughter. And I wanted to say hi." The adults looked at her like she was crazy. Rosanna walked over to the bed. The girl had mid length, dark brown (almost black), hair. She looked white, but her mom looked Asian, so she must of been mixed. She had brown eyes and she looked like she was tall. She was quite pretty. 

"Hi, my name's Rosanna. My nurse told me your name is Sophia."

"Hi. And actually, it's Safiya. Pronounced Saf, not Soph." Safiya replied.

"So, What are you in here for? You don’t have to answer that, but all of the long term patients know what the other guys have. Like, I have cancer. Breast cancer to be exact. And my friend MatPat has heart cancer, it’s super rare."

"I don’t want to talk about."

"That’s cool. Well, I'll have to see you later. I have to go eat dinner." Rosanna saw the girl flinch at that sentence. She didn’t know why though. "Can I give you a hug?" Rosanna asked.

"Yeah, sure." Safiya replied. Rosanna leaned over and gave her a quick hug. Her arms felt, cold. Even though there were several blankets and the room was quite warm.

"Are you cold? I can lend you my hoodie." Rosanna asked. 

"Um yeah, sure. Thanks." Safiya fiddled with her fingers. And looked down at her lap. 

"I'll bring it up after I eat." Safiya flinched again. Rosanna went down to her room. She grabbed her hoodie and placed it on her bed. Nurse Allison had already left her dinner. It was a veggie burger with sweet potato fries. It's one of the nicer meals at the Hospital. She quickly ate and then grabbed the hoodie. She ran back up the stairs and went to knock when she heard a part of the conversation.

"Mom, I can't help it." Safiya said. It sounded like it was an argument.

"I know Safiya, but I want you to live." Her Mom sounded like she was crying.

"Trying to force me into doing anything isn’t going to help me get better." Safiya yelled.

"We know, but you almost died, and please don’t yell at your mother." Her dad replied.

"Can you guys just leave? I don’t want you here right now. I can’t deal with this." Safiya said quietly. The door opened and the two parents came rushing out. They were both crying. Rosanna quickly slipped into the room when they left. She saw Safiya standing up by the window. She was really skinny. Like, extremely skinny. 

"Hey, I brought the hoodie. I can't help but notice how skinny you are." Rosanna said. Safiya turned around abruptly and saw Rosanna standing there. 

"You should've knocked." Safiya grabbed the hoodie and put it on. Rosanna was quite surprised at how it fit. It was a little big on Rosanna, but it looked perfect on her, and that's saying something. Because Rosanna is 5 ft. 1 and Safiya's a good 6 inches taller than her, and she's built broader than Rosanna. 

"How are you as skinny as me?" Rosanna asked. She walked over and reached out to touch her arm.

"It doesn’t matter." Safiya looked down at the ground. "You don’t need to know yet."

"Ok, it's fine. Whatever you have, I believe you'll get better. Some people have a chance, maybe you do. Others like me, we don’t have a chance." Rosanna sat down in the chair. 

"Chance of what?" Safiya asked. She couldn’t understand. 

"A chance of getting out of here," Rosanna shrugged her shoulders like it was obvious, "a chance of living. I don’t. I might have breast cancer, but the doctors have tried everything. I’m on chemo right now, but it's not doing anything. The other thing would be surgery, but they wouldn’t be able to get all of it. At least you might survive, depending on whatever you have." Rosanna explained.

"Oh. I’m sorry." Safiya replied. She knew she had a chance to get better. It was clear as day that she did, but she didn’t know if she wanted to get better. 

"Anyway, I don’t care I might not be alive at 21, I’m just happy to be here right now. But I’m downstairs in room 2013 if you want to visit. The room next to mine is open, so you'll probably end up moving there."

"Ok. Thanks for the hoodie." Rosanna gave the girl a hug and left the room. Safiya sat down on her hospital bed. She was stunned at how happy this girl was. She was dealt a bad hand, and she was happy. It confused her. Safiya pulled the blanket up and tried to fall asleep. She hadn't had a lot of sleep in the past month or two. But she could only try.


	2. That Means We're Neighbors!

It had been a few days since Rosanna had talked to the mysterious girl upstairs. She didn’t want to seem weird about it so she hadn’t seen her since. She hadn’t gotten her hoodie back, and Safiya hadn’t come down to say hey. Rosanna didn’t think she would, she was probably still stuck in her room. After all, she hadn’t moved downstairs yet. 

Rosanna had been baking when she saw Safiya walk past. She was pulling a suitcase with her. Rosanna closed the oven and set an alarm on her phone. She ran over to catch up with her.

"Hey!" Rosanna said and tapped her shoulder.

"Oh. Hi. Rosanna, right?" Safiya asked. She turned to look at her and saw that she had white powder in her hair, and it was probably flour. She smiled softly. It was, quirky. 

"Yeah, but my friends call me Ro." Rosanna brushed her hands on her jeans leaving white streaks on them.

"What's with the hair?" Safiya asked.

"I was baking. It’s very therapeutic for me. But disclaimer, I’m the messiest baker in the world." She made a hand gesture toward herself. 

"It gives you character." Safiya's eyes did a quick scan of the state Rosanna was in. She had flour in her hair, on her pants, and she had batter on her shirt. "Though you should wear an apron. It would protect your shirt." Safiya and Rosanna reached room 2011. "This is my stop."

"That means we're neighbor's!" Rosanna exclaimed. "This is going to be so much fun. We can totally decorate it however you want." 

"Yeah. I guess." She opened the door and placed her suitcase on the table.

"Need some help with your clothes?" Rosanna asked. "I can help you hang it up and stuff."

"Sure." Rosanna used some hand sanitizer and got to work. By the time her alarm went off, they had just finished unpacking except for a few things. Safiya had placed a few pictures and books on the small dresser. 

"I need to head over and pull out the cake. I'll be right back." Rosanna ran out of the room. Safiya grabbed Rosanna's hoodie and went to over to Rosanna's room. She opened the door and what she saw shocked her. There were so many drawings around the room. On one wall, there were drawings of the long term patients and doctors. On the wall by her bed were pictures of different things like ballet shoes, a tree, and a hand, just to name a few. She saw on the table a drawing of converse high tops. Rosanna was quite the talented artist. She placed the hoodie on her bed and walked over to the dresser. There were pictures of Rosanna and probably her parents, Rosanna and probably a sister of some sort, and a picture of Rosanna and some boy. Probably her boyfriend. 

Rosanna had returned from placing the cakes on the cooling rack and cleaning up when she noticed that her door was open. She never left it open. She looked through the doorframe and saw Safiya over at her dresser. She cleared her throat and Safiya lifted her head.

"Sorry if this is an invasion of privacy, I was just returning your hoodie but then I got distracted."

"No worries. You're cool. The pictures are just of my family and best friend." She walked over and pointed to the picture of her with the girl. "That’s my sister, her name's Molly." Safiya printed at the boy.

"Who's that?" She asked. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"No. That’s MatPat. I told you about him, he's the one with heart cancer. We're not dating. He's been my best friend for ages. We grew up together." Rosanna explained.

"So do you have a boyfriend?" Safiya asked. Rosanna let out a chuckle. 

"No. I don’t. Never have. No one wants to date the girl with cancer. Or the girl with best friend who has cancer." Rosanna explained. "What about you, boyfriend?"

"No. But I’ve had a girlfriend." Safiya looked over at Rosanna.

"So you're gay?" Rosanna looked up.

"No, I’m Bi. Not that my parents are too happy about that. They had this image of having a big family, and I have a brother, but if I married a girl, I can’t bear my own children. I could adopt, but they want blood related kids, not that I could bare kids in my state."

"What state is that?" Rosanna asked. Maybe she'd finally get an answer for why she was here.

"You don’t need to know yet." Safiya said abruptly.

"So it's part of your condition?" Rosanna asked.

"Yeah. It is. By the way, you're a really good artist." Safiya said. 

"Thanks. It's just something I’ve picked up from being in the hospital. I’ve got a lot of free time except for when I’m doing 'hospital school'." Rosanna explained.

"Oh My God! Oh My God! Ooh my God!" A male voice said as he zoomed down the hallway and stopped in front of Rosanna's door. Safiya jumped about a foot in the air. Rosanna seemed unfazed by the disruption.

"It's just Tyler. He's always over dramatic." The boy in the door frame had light blue hair, glasses, and was white. "What do you want Tyler?" Rosanna asked.

"Ro, have you heard the news?" He walked in and grabbed her shoulders. "There's a new girl here. Her name's Sophia and now you won’t be stuck with just me and the boys!" He shook her. "Isn’t that exciting?"

"Tyler, A. It’s Safiya. And B. She's standing right here." She pointed to the girl standing behind her.

"Dammit! I wanted to tell you." He let go of her shoulders. 

"Sorry, Mark and Nurse Allison told me. So you're late." Rosanna walked over to the table and tore out the converse sketch. She went to hang it up on the wall. Tyler walked over to Safiya.

"Why hello gorgeous." He stuck his hand out and Safiya shook his hand. "The name's Tyler Oakley, the hospital's resident gay, and I've got Leukemia." He let go over her hand and turned around to Rosanna. "She cute. Really cute." He turned back to Safiya. "Great ass by the way." He mouthed the words _we'll talk later_ to Rosanna and waved goodbye. He walked out of the room. 

"I’m so sorry. He's always like that." Rosanna explained. Safiya walked over to Rosanna who was busy looking for the perfect place to hang the picture. "He can’t help but be over dramatic."

"No it's fine, it's refreshing to see someone like that." Safiya said. She heard a knock on the door and turned to see Nurse Allison holding a tray of food. 

"Rosanna, it's time for lunch. Oh! Safiya, I didn’t expect to see you here. I can come back later." 

"No it's fine. After all, she has to eat too." Rosanna took the tray and placed it on the table. "You should grab your tray from your room." Rosanna sat down and started digging into her salad. 

"Yeah, I’ll be right back. Safiya and Nurse Allison walked out of the room and into Safiya's. Nurse Allison closed the door.

"You haven’t told her you're have Anorexia and Bulimia?" She asked.

"No. I haven’t. She doesn’t know. And I don’t plan on telling her any time soon." Safiya grabbed her tray of food and walked out. She joined Rosanna at the table.

"So, What do you think of the Hospital food?" Rosanna asked.

"It's not bad. It's better than I expected. But it’s fine." Safiya was pushing around the peas on her plate. She cut up all of her fries into smaller pieces and she didn’t touch her burger. 

"You going to eat any of it? If you’re a messy eater I won’t judge. You already saw me after baking."

"Yeah I am, I just have weird eating rituals." Safiya picked up the burger and took a small bite. She'd forgotten how burgers tasted. "Are you vegetarian?" She asked Rosanna.

"Yeah, you'll normally catch me eating salads or veggie burgers."

"Cool." Safiya picked up a piece of fry and put it in her mouth. How many calories was this? She didn’t know. She just wanted to seem normal.

 

By the end of their lunch, she'd eaten more than she expected to, a quarter of a burger, a few fries, and half of the peas. Nurse Allison knocked on the door and took their trays.

"Can I go to the bathroom?" Safiya asked.

"You know I can't let you. You have to wait an hour." Nurse Allison said. 

"Wait, why not?" Rosanna asked. 

"It doesn’t matter." Safiya said flatly.

"Nurse Allison looked at Safiya's plate. "Nice job. Maybe you should eat with Ro more often." She left the room.

"Safiya, why are you here?" Rosanna asked.

"I don’t want to talk about it." Safiya said. Rosanna placed her hand over Safiya's

"Hey, you can talk to me. Whatever's going on with you, we can get through it together." Safiya stared at their hands. 

"I said I don’t want to talk about it." She pulled her hand back and stood up to get some hand sanitizer. 

"Ok. Well, do you want to help me decorate the cake?" Rosanna asked.

"Sure." They left the room and went back to the kitchen. 

 

After a few hours of decorating, they were finally done. Rosanna grabbed the cake and took it to the Doctor's lounge, where it was free-for-all cake. The doctors were used to there being desserts in the lounge. Rosanna always made them, but almost never ate them.

"So when does school start?" Safiya asked on their way back to their rooms.

"Whenever you're cleared for school. School is Monday through Friday but it doesn’t last as long as a normal school day. So since today is Sunday, I have today off, but tomorrow I have to go."

"Cool. I guess I haven’t be cleared yet." Safiya reached her room. 

"Oh yeah, you wouldn’t be until you've been here for at least a week, and you also have to be approved by the nurse to have the 'proper mental state for learning' or whatever."

"Rosanna!" A voice shouted from down the hallway.

"Matthew!" She shouted back. He ran up to her and gave her a big hug.

"It's been so long since I’ve seen you. Chemo just really takes it out of me. I slept most of the weekend away." He let go and kissed her head.

"I know. But at least you’re here now. By the way, that's Safiya. She's the new long term patient." Matthew took one look at her and pulled her into a hug.

"Hi! I’m Matthew, but people call me MatPat." He pulled back with a weird look on his face. He scanned her body and looked her in the eyes.

"Why MatPat?" Safiya asked.

"Mat is short for Matthew and Pat is short for Patrick, which is my last name." He looked at Rosanna when spoke to Safiya again. "I didn’t catch what your condition is."

"I didn’t say it." Safiya replied. He looked at her again with a look that said 'I know'. "Well, I'll be in my room if you need me. See you later Ro." Safiya went to her room.

"Well, we have a lot to catch up on. Let’s go talk." MatPat walked into Rosanna's room and she followed. They both sat down on the bed.


	3. I Have a Theory, One Might Say a Medical Theory...

“So what’s her deal?” MatPat asked Rosanna. The tv was playing in the back ground, but neither were paying attention. 

“Safiya’s?” She was confused. 

“No the nurse.” He said sarcastically. “Of course I’m taking about Safiya. Who else would I be talking about?”

“I don’t know why she’s here, if that’s what you’re asking. She refuses to tell me, and I respect that.” Rosanna explained. She was making a sketch of MatPat on her sketch pad. She did this for a few other people on occasion, but she did this every month with MatPat. It just comforted her. 

“Oh. Well do you have any ideas on what her condition is?” Matthew didn’t want to tell her anything that could upset her. He was pretty sure he knew. 

“I don’t know. Maybe some form of cancer. But she arrived at the hospital in critical condition.” Rosanna thought out loud. “So that wouldn’t make sense.”

“Well, I have theory. One might say a medical theory.” Rosanna chuckled. “It might not be right, but there is a substantial amount of evidence that points toward what her condition is.” Matthew started. “But you have to decide whether or not I tell you. Because I’m ninety percent positive that I’m right.” Rosanna set her pencil down. 

“Go ahead. I’m listening.” 

“I don’t want to upset you. But I’ve reason to believe that she has an eating disorder.” It hit Rosanna like a ton of bricks. It made sense, the flinching at words dealing with food, how skinny she was, her eating habits. But still, she didn’t want to believe it. 

“I don’t think so.” Rosanna finally said after a few minutes of silence. “She ate while we were here. She ate lunch with me in this very room.”

“Maybe she was eating because she didn’t want you to know what she had. If she didn’t eat, that would be a dead give away.” Matthew got up and grabbed a blanket. 

“I know, but she helped me bake.” Rosanna pointed out. “Don’t you think that would be kind of hard for her to do?”

“Actually no, a lot of times people with eating disorders like to be around food because it makes their disorder easier to deal with it. It makes a lot of sense if she came in critical condition as well. I don’t know how long she’s had her disorder, but if she’d malnourished herself for a substantial amount of time, she could have fainted and hit her head or something.”

“I guess. I don’t know. I just can’t believe she has an eating disorder until she tells me. After what happened with Mike, I’m just apprehensive with the idea of that.” Rosanna shifted on her bed. Mike Lamond was a close friend of hers that had an eating disorder. Anorexia to be exact. He refused to eat because people liked to call him fat, his parents did so too. One day she went over to his house and found him lying on his bathroom floor and she couldn’t find a pulse. 

“Yeah, I get it. Losing Mike to an eating disorder was quite tragic. I’m just glad I was there for you.” Matthew was there, next to her during the funeral. He stood with her as she talked about Mike and their friendship. He was there when she was diagnosed with cancer. 

“But anyway, on a less depressing note, are you going to attend classes tomorrow?” Rosanna asked. She picked up her pencil and got back to work. 

“Of course! It might be a pitiful class, but it is learning nonetheless.” Matthew replied. 

“Yeah. It’ll be nice to see the others. I know they’ll have tons of questions about Safiya.” Rosanna could just hear their voices already. 

“Tyler will probably tell Manny and then Manny will tell Shayne and Damien and it’s going to be a whole thing. You could just ignore them.” Matthew pointed out. 

“You know I can’t. The only people who would respect my silence are Mark and Phil.” Rosanna finished the drawing and then handed it to him. “What do you think?”

“It’s perfect. Your artistic abilities never cease to amaze me.” Matthew replied. “But on the matter of the boys, if you don’t think they’ll accept silence, then say, ‘you can talk to her yourself.’ It should work.”

“They’ll think something happened. When in all honesty, we just met each other.” Rosanna got up to put the updated drawing into the picture frame. 

“Why would they think something happened? As far as I know, they still think you’re straight.” MatPat asked. He was the only person she told about her sexuality. She’s bi. Her parents don’t know, her sister doesn’t know, and she’d like to keep it that way. 

“I know, but when Tyler came for a visit, he gave me that ‘we’ll talk later’ look and commented on her butt.” Matthew burst out laughing. 

“What did he say exactly?”

“He said, and I quote ‘She’s cute, really cute.’ to me, and then ‘great ass by the way’, to Safiya.” Matthew started laughing even harder, his voice was rising an octave. 

“That’s hilarious! Was Safiya ok with that? It’s a bit much for when someone just gets here.”

“She was fine. I did apologize though.”

“Ok. That’s good. But the more important question, is do you like her or not?” MatPat asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“What, no. She just got here and I hardly know her. Besides, we just became friends.” Rosanna said so quickly that Matthew couldn’t really understand. 

“Well, I’ll take whatever that was as a maybe. Anyway, I should go to bed. We’ve got school tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you just sleepover? I can break out the sleeping bags.” Rosanna asked. 

“Next time, I promise. But Manny needs my help with some math. So I figured I’d do that before I go to bed.” He got up and headed for the door. 

“You know he only needs help because he likes you!” Rosanna called after him. 

“And I’m straight so it’ll never happen!” He called back. “See you tomorrow!”

 

———————————————————

 

“All right class, take a 10 minute break, and I’ll be back for English.” The teacher left the room and the boys immediately got up and crowded Rosanna and Matthew’s table. Only Mark and Phil stayed in their seats. 

“So what does she look like?” Manny asked

“What’s her interests?” Shayne asked. 

“Why is she here?” Damien asked. 

“Bitches, please calm down. I’ve got this.” Tyler said. He leaned down on the desk. “Tell us everything.”

“Her name is Safiya, she’s seventeen, and if you want to know anything else, you need to ask her yourself.” Rosanna simply stated. She was having none of it. She didn’t even look up and stop drawing. 

“Come on, Ro, tell us more. We already heard that from Mark.” Shayne pleaded. 

“Yeah, we have to at least know her illness. Every long term knows everyone else’s.” Damien added. He looked over at Shayne with a smile. Damien has Parkinson’s disease, his body degenerates and it makes it hard for him to move. He’s in the early stages, but some days he can’t even move. Shayne, on the other hand, has kidney problems, so he has dialysis every other day. He has to stay at the hospital because he’s fainted one too many times. 

“Well, as much as I’d love to tell you,” Rosanna said sarcastically, “she hasn’t even told me. So I can’t.”

“Has she told you MatPat?” Manny asked, batting his eye lashes. Matthew hadn’t even looked up from Rosanna’s drawing. 

“Nope. I mean, I have a theory, but that’s all it is, a theory. No confirmation from her.” He looked up at the group. “So if you want to know my theory, I’ll tell you. But you’ll have to live in speculation.”

“Of course we’d love to hear your theory. They’re right 99% of the time.” Manny flirted. Matt was clearly not interested though. Matt looked over at Rosanna and she looked back. She had an expression on her face that said, ‘I wish he wasn’t right this time.’ He turned back to the boys. The classroom door opened and Rosanna lifted her head, expecting to see the teacher, but standing there was Safiya.

“Guys.” Rosanna said. Her voice was drowned out by the others. 

“I think she has an eating disorder.” Matthew finally said after the boys quieted down. Phil decided to walkover after hearing that. 

“What evidence do you have?” Phil asked. He was always down for a good story, but the sources had to be credible and backed with proof for him to believe it. 

“Guys.” Rosanna said a bit louder. 

“I’ll tell you later. You four, on the other hand, aren’t even actually interested in what I have to think. You just want gossip. So I’m not telling you.”

“But seriously, I’m like 99% confident that I’m right.” Matt said, talking directly to Phil. 

“Really? This is going to be an interesting discussion.” Phil replied. 

“Guys.” Rosanna repeated again.

“So you really can’t tell us anything else about the new girl?” Shayne asked. 

“No. But she’s literally standing in the door way, so go ask her yourself.” The boys looked up at the door and sure enough she was still there. Safiya finally spotted Rosanna, the boys had been blocking her view. She walked over, grabbed Rosanna’s wrist, and pulled her out of the class room. Safiya looked upset. 

“How much did you hear?” Rosanna asked. 

“Enough to know you were talking about me.” Safiya replied. 

“I wasn’t talking about you, they were. I tried to stop them. Besides, it was just about whatever you have.”

“But still, they don’t need to know. I heard Matt’s theory.” Safiya looked Rosanna in the eyes. 

“Yeah I figured. But he always has a theory on everything. And it’s not like he’s right.” Rosanna replied. Safiya looked at the ground. 

“And if he was right?” Safiya asked. 

“Does that mean he is right?” Rosanna replied. 

“I’m not telling you that easily. Don’t even try. I’m just trying to see how you’d feel depending on what I have. So if it was a eating disorder, how would that make you feel?” Safiya looked back up. 

“I’d be sad, because my friend died of a eating disorder, but I’d try to help you get better. And I’d end up trying to figure out why it started.” Rosanna said after a couple of seconds. 

“Ok.” Safiya replied quietly. “Oh, I was told to go to the classroom to test and see if the learning environment would be could for me.” Safiya then stated in a matter-of-fact tone. 

“Just pull up a chair next to me.” They walked back into the classroom, with the teacher trailing behind. 

 

——————————————————

 

After class was over, Safiya and Rosanna decided to go with Matthew and Phil back to their room. The two of them share a room since it’s the size of two. The girls sat on the couch while the boys sat on Matthew’s bed. 

“I haven’t properly introduced myself. My name’s Philip DeFranco. I have cancer.” He shook her hand. “What do you have?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s completely fine. Well, I’m going to scour the internet for some important news. It’s a habit of mine.” He walked over to his desk and started to browse. 

“So what did you think of hospital school?” Matthew asked Safiya. 

“It’s endearing. I’m not opposed to it.” Safiya replied. 

“That’s good, because you’ll be going five days a week for about four hours a day.” Rosanna replied. 

“So, we’ve got the rest of the day to ourselves. What do you want to do?” Matthew asked. 

“I don’t know.” Rosanna looked over at Safiya. “Anything you want to do in particular?”

“Can we go up to the roof?”

“Yeah. We had a party up there before. We just have to get Nurse Allison’s permission.” Matthew replied. 

“Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s go to the roof!”


	4. Rooftop Conversations

“So, what do you think?” Rosanna asked Safiya. The view was quite spectacular from the roof. There was a clear view of the LA skyline. The roof setup was endearing. There was a colorful bohemian rug with bean bags and a sofa. There was also a grill and tables. 

“It’s amazing.” Safiya replied. The boys had already made theirselves comfortable. Safiya sat down on the bean bag next to Rosanna’s. “What do you guys do up here?”

“We just talk for the most part. A lot of the times we tell childhood stories. Though I think we should tell you about our illnesses first.” Manny explained. The group nodded in agreement. 

“Well you already know that Ro has breast cancer and that I have heart cancer. I was diagnosed when I was 13. It’s actually quite a miracle that I’m still alive. I should’ve died a year ago.” Matthew explained. 

“How old are you.” Safiya asked. 

“I’m 17, almost 18. My birthday is in a few weeks. We normally celebrate with a cake and a small get together on the roof." Matthew looked over at Rosanna with a small smile. Safiya had tried her best not to flinch at the words he said. She was doing as much as she could to stop flinching. But, it wasn’t working perfectly.

“I guess it’s my turn.” Phil said. “I’m 18, I was diagnosed when I was 16, and I have cancer. Metastatic cancer actually.”

“What’s that?”

“Cancer that has spread to other organs. It started as lung cancer but then it spread to my kidney and heart.” Phil shrugged. “I’ve only got a year or two to live.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. It’s just the cards I’ve been dealt. Who’s next?”

“I’ll go. I’m Mark, I’m 15, and I have cystic fibrosis. Basically means that my lungs and digestive system are in a perpetual state of infection and my lungs can fill with mucus. It’s not pleasant.” 

“Are you getting better?” Safiya asked. 

“No. Worse actually. It’s why I’m now in the hospital. I’m not going to live to see my next birthday. At least that’s what the doctor says.”

“When’s your birthday?” 

“In six months.” An eerie silence fell upon the group. 

Shayne cleared his throat. “Well, I have kidney problems. We can’t identify what it is exactly, but I have to get dialysis every other day. Oh, and I’m 14.”

“Are you the youngest here?” Safiya asked. 

“No. I am.” Damien said. “I’m 13. Almost 14. I’ve got Parkinson’s. It gets really bad some days, like today. I’m stuck in my wheel chair, as you can see, and other days I can walk around a bit.”

“Huh. I would’ve never guessed.”

“Well you already know what I have, and I’m 16, so unless you want to hear the sad story of how it runs in the family, we can move on to Manny.” Tyler said. 

“Your leukemia runs in the family? I didn’t think that was possible." Safiya didn’t know much, but she didn’t think it was hereditary.

"There's an increased chance of my illness when a close family member has leukemia. My older brother had it."

"Had?"

Tyler looked down. "He died 5 years ago."

"I’m sorry."

"It’s fine. Anyway, Manny, your turn." Tyler looked at him with a smile.

"I’m 16, and I have multiple sclerosis. It basically disrupts the flow of information between the brain and body. I've got a very very special case where it,s progressing faster than the normal patient with MS, which is why I’m here, instead of home. Some days you'll see me in a wheelchair, some days I’ll be mute, some days I can’t even eat." Manny explained. Safiya knew that feeling.

"Well, now that the depressing stories are over, tell us about yourself." Shayne said. 

"I’m 17, my birthday is in July. I was in theater at my high school, and I was supposed to graduate as Valedictorian, I was top of my class. I guess technically I still am." Safiya explained. 

"Do you mind telling us what you have?" Damien asked. "If you don’t want to it's fine."

"Of course it's fine if you don’t want to, we just have our theories and they're probably worse than what it actually is." Matthew added.

"I know you have theories. I heard most of it." Safiya replied.

"Well?" Manny asked.

"I don’t know. I don’t think any of you would understand." She looked down at her lap. "Besides, it's a whole story."

"We've got plenty of time." Rosanna whispered. 

"Ok well it started awhile ago...

 

—————————————————————

 

"Safiya Nygaard?" The teacher called from the desk.

"Here." Safiya said without looking up. The girls around her were staring, and Safiya knew what was coming.

"Dude, what's your deal?" The blonde asked. Her name was Emilee. Safiya looked up.

"What do you mean?"

"Don’t you have friends you can talk to?" Emilee asked.

"Yes, but they're not here." Safiya looked back down and tried to ignore them.

"Are they imaginary? I don’t see anyone ever being friends with you." The ditzy girl next to Emilee asked. Her name was Sarah.

"No, they're just not in this class. Our schedules don’t match up for this class. We have theater together." Safiya explained carefully.

"So since you're a theater geek, does that mean you're gay? All theater kids are gay and quite honestly, that’s just wrong." Sarah asked. God was she clueless sometimes.

"No, I am not gay."

"You must not get out very often if you're a theater geek. Do you even do anything besides that?" Emilee asked. 

"Yeah, and you look fat. How much do you weigh?" The third girl, Madison, said.

"You don’t need to know that." Safiya replied. She got up to move to a different table. She wasn’t ok with the way this conversation was going, and she had enough of it for the day.

"Where are you going? You can’t just walk away from us. You know that. You know what could happen if you do. You're our project." Emilee said. 

"Project?" Safiya was confused. 

"You could be pretty. So, we're going to help you. But fist, you need to lose some weight. You're fat, and no one's going to want to date you if you're fat." Emilee explained. 

"I don’t need your help. But thanks anyways." She went over to the table with a bunch of the quiet kids. She knew what walking away meant, but quite frankly she didn’t give a damn today. 

 

Lunch rolled around and Safiya stopped by her locker to get her lunch. It was a salad and some grapes. She was quite the healthy eater, since she grew up as an athlete. It was just a habit. She saw the three girls approach her. She quickly turned to leave but Sarah grabbed her wrist. 

"Don’t walk away from us. Hand it over." Emilee said.

"Hand what over?" Safiya asked, pretending like she didn’t know. 

"Your lunch." Emilee looked at Madison and gave her a nod. Madison grabbed it and opened it up. She pulled out the salad and dropped it in the trash can. She gave it back and they walked away. But before they did, Sarah gripped Safiya's hand tighter, really tight. And it hurt like hell. 

"There's a lot more of that if you ever walk away from us again."

 

————————————————————

 

"That was the beginning of a path of destruction. I eventually switched schools after it became more than just taking my food and light physical harm. It became more intense, where they would send their boyfriends after me and they would beat me up. They'd call me names and stuff, and they'd tell me to kill myself." She wrapped her arms around her stomach remembering the bruises that wised to exist. "I didn’t eat much back then because I didn’t really have the option to."

"When I finally changed schools, I was isolated, I knew no one. I couldn’t control much, but I could control my weight and how much I ate, so I stopped eating lunch, and then lunch became breakfast and lunch, and then it became breakfast, lunch, and dinner." Safiya felt a second pair of arms wrap around her waist. She looked down to see Rosanna.

"So you have anorexia?" Tyler asked.

"Anorexia and Bulimia." Safiya stated. 

"How can you be both? Doesn’t Bulimia require that you eat a bunch?"Manny asked. 

"I would go the whole day eating as little as possible, then eating a bunch to end the hunger at the end of the day, and then throwing it up before I could digest it. Gum was also a way to hold off the hunger." Safiya explained. 

"How are you able to be around food?" Damien asked.

"It makes it easier to not eat. It makes it more tolerable." Safiya wrapped her arms around Rosanna.

"What's the most you've eaten since that started?" Mark asked. 

"Here, actually. When I ate with Rosanna. I didn’t feel bad about it." Safiya said with a smile. "You were this ray of sunshine that could see the bright side of anything. There was no negativity. I felt safe. It made me forget for a moment that I needed to live up to this standard of my perception of perfection that was implanted in my brain."

"I’m here for you. I want you to get better. I lost a close friend to an eating disorder. His name was Mike. But I believe you can get better." Rosanna whispered.

"I don’t know if I can. I'm used to the hunger. It feels good in its own weird way." Safiya explained. "I don’t have an appetite any more, I’m just hungry all of the time." Matthew's phone started to ring.

"Hello... Steph? Hi! Oh my gosh, this is so unexpected!" He got up from the couches and moved away from the group.

"Rosanna, you're positive he isn’t the least bit gay?" Manny asked.

"Sorry Manny, He's 100% straight." Rosanna said for what seemed to be the thousandth time.

"Dammit. He's so cute."

"I mean, it can’t hurt to ask him, right? I’m all for that LGBTQ+ pride." Safiya said.

"I don’t want to make things weird."

"Honey, he knows you like him. You're not exactly subtle." Tyler explained, "and hold up sis, are you straight?" He looked at Safiya. She laughed out loud.

"No. I’m bi. Not that my parents are happy about that."

"Oh. Interesting. Rosanna, sweetie, are you still straight?" Tyler asked even though he knew the answer. She had been telling him the same lie for as long as she’s been here. 

"Yup. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t tell you. I’d tell my parents and sister first." Rosanna said. She finally let go of Safiya and rested her head on her shoulder. 

"Mhm. Sure." Tyler said. Nurse Allison had joined the group with a few boxes of pizza. She placed it on the table. "You guys can have as much as you want. Safiya, remember, no bathroom for an hour." Nurse Allison went back into the building.

"Yes ma'am." She said. They opened the box and grabbed some plates. Safiya grabbed one slice and took a tiny bite. Rosanna gave her a smile, so Safiya took another bite. A bigger one this time. Maybe she’d actually finish the slice. It’s been months since she had a full slice, or even any pizza at all. The taste was familiar, yet it was still new. She missed pizza. Pizza and fries were what she had missed the most.

"So, What did I miss?" Matt asked as he sat back down on the couch, helping himself to a few slices of pizza. 

"Nothing much. How are things with Stephanie?" Rosanna asked.

"Who's Stephanie?" Manny asked.

"She's just someone I knew." Matthew said, cheeks tinting pink.

"She's the girl he likes. And she likes him." Rosanna teased. "They're just dancing around it and it’s hilarious to watch. Pretty sure she’s planning on asking you to her senior prom." 

"You don’t know that." Matthew said. Rosanna could see Manny's smile falter a bit. She felt bad for him, but who could blame him, Matthew was quite attractive, not that Ro was into him. They were basically Mabel and Dipper, siblings, not a couple. Safiya looked down at her plate and realized she'd eaten most of her slice of pizza, she was distracted by the conversation and didn’t keep track of what she was eating. And surprisingly, she was full. For once in a long time, she wasn't hungry. 

"So, it's getting late. We should probably go back inside." Damien said. The boys gradually got up to leave, with Matthew being the last to go. He had been in a deep conversation with Rosanna about his birthday cake. Safiya and Rosanna were the last two left on the roof.

"I’m glad you opened up about your condition." Rosanna said with a sad smile.

"I didn’t know your friend died because of one." Safiya looked up at the sunset. 

"Not many people do. I don’t talk about it much."

"Are you actually gay or not? You were kinda joking with Tyler when you answered." Safiya asked. She was genuinely curious. 

"I guess it’s only fair since you opened up about your condition." She took a deep breath. "I’m bi. The only other person who knows is Matthew. So please don’t tell anyone about it."

"Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone." Safiya promised. 

"Also, ray of sunshine?" Rosanna asked.

"Yeah. You're so optimistic all of the time. You radiate happiness, hence, a ray of sunshine." Safiya explained. 

"Interesting." Rosanna ran her fingers up and down Safiya’s arm. "We should probably head inside. The sun is setting."

"I don’t want to go inside yet."

"Ok. Why?"

"I want to watch the sunset. I’ve never seen one with my very own eyes." Safiya replied. 

"How's that possible? You’ve had to of seen it before." Rosanna looked up at Safiya. 

"I know, but I’ve always been a busy person, whether it be theater practice now, ice skating when I was little, and school work all around, I’ve never been outside when the sun was setting."

"Interesting. Well, I guess we can stay for a few more minutes then." Rosanna said. The two girls sat in silence as the sun set. They observed the sky go from a blue to a beautiful spectrum of pinks, purples, and oranges. Safiya had never seen anything more beautiful. She looked over at Rosanna to see her sketching the sunset on her pad. It was a beautiful sketch already and it wasn’t even half done. After a few more minutes, the stars finally appeared and the two girls got and went inside. 

 

"I had a really fun time. Even if we did talk about depressing things." Safiya said as they walked down the hallway to their rooms.

"I did too. It’s nice to not be the only girl up there with a bunch of boys who can be idiots sometimes." Rosanna said with a chuckled. She loved each and every one of them to pieces, but the things they got theirselves into were just stupid.

"Yeah. I like talking to you. It’s comforting." Safiya looked down at Rosanna. They stoped in front of her doorway.

"I like talking to you too." Rosanna pulled Safiya into a hug that lasted longer that it should have. Safiya pulled back and placed a kiss on Rosanna's head. 

"What was that for?" Rosanna asked, confused. 

"I just wanted to." Safiya shrugged her shoulders.

"Oh. Well, good night." Rosanna smiled.

"Goodnight." Safiya replied. Rosanna stood up on her toes and quickly kissed her cheek. She blushed and went into her room, closing the door behind her. Safiya stood there for a second. Did that mean anything? She didn’t know. She went to her room and got ready for bed.


	5. Disneyland Adventures

“We’re going where?” Matthew asked Nurse Allison. He looked over at Phil with surprise in his eyes. 

“You’re going to a theme park, Disneyland, to be exact.” Nurse Allison restated. 

“Why? That’s like, super expensive. My parents would never be able to afford that with all of the hospital bills.” Phil said. He was just as confused as Matthew, and basically everyone else in their room. Everyone besides Mark. He looked up from his book and cleared his throat. 

“I think I can explain.” Everyone turned towards him. “I’m supposed to die sometime between now and my birthday, so my wish, was that we could all go to Disneyland together, because you guys have been here with me for as long as I can remember. You’re my family. So the Make-a-Wish foundation teamed up with Disney to make that happen. And we’re going today.” 

“Even me?” Safiya asked. She hadn’t been at the hospital for too long, but they did talk a lot. 

“Of course. We might have only known each other for about two weeks, but you’re still family.” Mark replied. Safiya gave him a small smile. 

“So that’s why you had us wake up at 6 in the morning?” Rosanna asked. 

“Yup. Now I put a Make-a-Wish shirt on each of your beds. Go change. We need to leave in ten minutes.” Nurse Allison left with those final words. The group scrambled for their rooms, many of them hadn’t been to Disneyland, in fact, only MatPat and Rosanna had gone one time for a chorus field trip. Rosanna was putting her hair up when Safiya walked in. 

“So, are you excited?” Safiya asked, leaning against the door. 

“Yeah. I was genuinely surprised. I forgot that each of us got wishes. Can you pass me a bobby pin?” Rosanna asked. She was putting her hair up in a milkmaid style. She knew that they would eventually fall down, but it was fine for now. 

“Sure.” Safiya walked over to the vanity and hand her the pin. Their fingers brushed over each other. 

“Thanks.” Rosanna placed the final bobby pin in her hair. “What do you think?” She asked Safiya. 

_She’s pretty._ “It’s cute.” She said. “We should get going. We don’t want to make everyone late.” Rosanna grabbed her bag and they headed out to the bus that was taking them. Nurse Allison was standing in front of the bus doors. 

“Alright guys, and ladies, this bus is not your room, behave and clean up after yourselves. The Make-A-Wish volunteers are already on the bus. Be respectful. Now, for seats, the person you’re sitting next to will be your buddy throughout the day, you go where they go. First, Shayne and Damien, Mark and Phil, Manny and Tyler, Matt you’ll be with those two as well, and then Safiya and Rosanna. If I hear that any of you misbehaved, I’ll be contacting your parents and they’ll decide what happens.” She stepped asides and let the kids on the bus. She waved good by and went back inside. Once they were all seated, a blonde lady stood up. 

“Hi! My name’s Emily. I’ll be the main chaperone. If you have any questions or concerns, come to me. That man right there is Christopher and the woman sitting next to him is Marlene. They’ll be helping me keep track of all of you guys. We do have two wheelchairs, one for Manny and one for Damien. We’ve been instructed by your nurse to have you guys in those to make sure you don’t tire out. Also, Mark, if you feel even the slightest out of breath, let us know immediately. I think I covered everything." Emily said.

"Yeah, oh, and Safiya, you remember your rules. You have to follow them" Christopher added.

"I know, I know." Safiya replied. She was kind of tired of people reminding her. She didn’t eat much at all unless it was with Rosanna, so the new amendment to the rules was that she has to eat with Rosanna. She looked over at the girl sitting next to her to see Rosanna smiling down at her phone. She was scrolling through Instagram.

"Ok everyone, buckle up and let's get this show on the road!"

 

————————————————

 

It was about 20 minutes into the drive when Rosanna started to doze off on Safiya's shoulder. Safiya quickly grabbed Rosanna's phone from slipping off the smaller girl's knee. She went to turn it off but noticed her name in the texting conversation. It was with MatPat. She was debating on reading it when Matthew texted her again. She glanced down and read he text.

Matthew: _And how did you feel about that?_

Safiya didn’t want to read anymore, but she was so curious, so she read the messages above it. 

 

Rosanna: _I don’t know anymore. She’s great. She’s funny and she kind, she’s such a good person. Safiya is basically the perfect person._ Safiya blushed a little. She didn’t expect that. _And when she was helping with my hair, our fingers touched, and it was so strange, but I felt something._

 

Matthew: _What exactly seems to be the problem? Because I’m just seeing an ADORABLE love story, even though you’ve yet to tell me you actually do like her like that. If I know one thing though, you like giving hugs. It's not like you full on made out with her in the middle of the hallway. You two are just, touchy people._

Rosanna: _But they always seem to linger, the hugs, not our fingers. And she kissed my head, and I kissed her cheek. Still can't believe I did that to be honest._ Safiya looked up from the phone. It seemed like Rosanna regretted doing that in her mind.

Rosanna _I was jus really shocked that she kissed my head. The last person who did that was my dad on his most recent visit._

Safiya started to feel bad, so she turned off the phone and placed it in Rosanna's bag. She ran her fingers up and down Ro's arm and closed her eyes, allowing herself drift off to sleep.

 

They were woken up by Emily about 20 minutes after Safiya had fallen asleep. Everyone else we’re getting ready to get off of the bus. 

“Are we there yet?” Rosanna asked Safiya. She was still resting her head on Safiya’s shoulder

“Yeah. We just got here. We have to get ready to get off. So make sure you have everything you need.”

“Ok.” Rosanna finally sat up and started to look for something. “Have you seen my phone.”

“I put it in your bag after you feel asleep. It was going to fall off of your leg.”

“Did you see anything?” Rosanna asked worriedly. 

“Matthew sent you a text, but that’s it.” Safiya lied. It wasn’t a complete lie, but it still made Safiya feel bad. 

“Ok. Thanks.” Rosanna pulled out her phone to text Matthew.

Rosanna: _Sorry, I fell asleep._

Matthew: _It’s fine. I assumed that was the case anyway._

Rosanna: _But referring to that text, I don’t know how I feel. I love her with all my heart, but do I like her like that? I don’t know._

Matthew: _Can I ask you a question?_

Rosanna: _Of course. What’s up?_

Matthew _If Safiya asked you out on a date, would you say yes?_ Rosanna did not expect that question. She thought about it for a second, but she didn’t know. It’s Safiya after all. Safiya is an enigma when it comes to stuff about relationships. The only thing she knows is that Safiya is Bi. She doesn’t know her type, if she’s dated anyone before. It’s almost as if they purposefully avoided relationship questions. She felt her phone vibrate again. 

Matthew: _Your hesitation to answer that question speaks volumes. I’ve got my answer._  
She quickly sent him a response and the chaperones let them off the bus. 

 

They made it through security and Manny and Damien got their wheel chairs. Each of them had about 50 dollars to spend on souvenirs and snacks. 

“So, Mark, what do you want to ride first?” Emily asked. The group had just passed Sleeping Beauty’s castle. 

“Let’s go on the new Guardians of the Galaxy ride. I heard it’s supposed to be really cool.” Mark suggested. 

“We’ll have to be careful, I don’t know how well your lungs will do.” Marlene replied. 

“We have to check the sign to see if you can ride.” Christopher added. 

“Even if I won’t be able to, I still want everyone else to.” Mark responded. He looked at the group with a smile. “It’s not just about me, it’s for all of us.”

“Aww that’s so sweet.” Matthew said and leaned in to give him a hug. Manny stared at the two of them, a jealous look came across his face. The group finally arrived at the Guardians of the Galaxy ride. Mark, luckily, was able to ride. The group had gotten fast passes for the ride, and they were on the ride within 20 minutes. Safiya made sure to sit next to Rosanna. 

“Are you scared?” Safiya asked. 

“Kinda, But I’ll be ok.” Rosanna shrugged. Safiya decided to go with her gut and lace her hand with Rosanna’s. The smaller girl stared at their hands. 

“Is this ok?” Safiya asked. Rosanna nodded, but didn’t look up from their hands. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. Sorry. It’s fine, more than fine. There’s nothing wrong with this. I didn’t expect it. But it’s fine.” Rosanna rambled. “I’m rambling aren’t I?” She asked with a giggle. 

“You are, but it’s cute.” Safiya squeezed Ro’s hand and the ride started up. The ride went up and down so fast that Rosanna was screaming at the top of her lungs. To say she was scared was an understatement. As soon as the ride stopped, she was shaking. Safiya looked over at Rosanna, and knew she had to do something to help her. She pulled Rosanna’s head under her own. 

“Hey, hey Rosanna, it’s over. You’ll be ok. I just need you to calm your breathing. Take a deep breath in, hold it, and then release. Ok?” Rosanna nodded her head. “Good. Deep breath in, hold it, let it out.” Safiya kept repeating those words until Rosanna had calmed down enough. 

“Thanks Saf.” Rosanna said. 

“Saf?” Safiya asked. She’d never been called that before. 

“I thought you could use a nick name. Mine’s Ro, so I thought your’s could be Saf.” Rosanna explained. 

“Oh. Thanks. I like it.” Safiya replied. The ride came to a stop and they all got off. Rosanna still hadn’t let go of Safiya’s hand. They were in line for the next ride when Rosanna heard someone clear their throat. She turned around and saw Tyler, staring at their hands with a smirk on his face. He looked into her eyes and she knew she was going to be talked to. She rolled her eyes and let go. Rosanna whispered something to Safiya and moved over to talk to Tyler. 

“What’s up?” Rosanna asked him. Clearly something was on his mind. 

“Nothing much, just trying to figure out if anything could be cuter than you and Safiya.” He winked at her. 

“We’re friends Ty. Besides, I’m straight, remember?”

“There’s a little bit of gay in everyone sweetie. Why else would you be holding her hand?” He asked as if there was no other possible explanation than to say they were together. 

“I got scared from the height of the Guardians ride. She held my hand.” Rosanna tried to explain. 

“But you walked all the way over here, to space mountain, hand in hand.” Tyler rebutted. 

“I just forgot about it. Ok? Nothing’s going on.” Rosanna pleaded. She wanted him to drop it because it was getting a bit awkward. 

“You two would be so cute together though.” Tyler said and looked over at Safiya. “I mean, she is quite the hottie.” Tyler looked back at Rosanna. 

“I mean yeah, I guess. Her eyes are really pretty, and she’s so nice and I she makes me laugh. She’s just comfortable to be around.” Rosana explained. Tyler just looked at her and laughed. 

“Hun, trust me, you like her. A friend wouldn’t just talk about another friend like that.” Tyler’s smile was so big it looked like it hurt. He was excited for whatever was going to happen. 

“But I don’t.” Rosanna said flatly. 

“Keeping telling yourself that. It’s not like denial will make anything change.” Tyler replied. Rosanna walked back up to Safiya. 

“What was that about?” Safiya asked. 

“Tyler’s just being stupid. It’s no big deal.” Rosanna replied, not making eye contact. She couldn’t after the conversation she just had. 

“I doubt it wasn’t a big deal, but if you don’t want to tell me, it’s whatever.” Safiya shrugged. If she didn’t tell Rosanna about the texts, Rosanna didn’t have to tell her about the conversation. Safiya considered it an equal playing field now. 

 

———————————————————

 

Lunch rolled around and they decided to eat at the Alien Pizza Planet. Safiya was quite fond of pizza now, she’d forgotten how good it was when she didn’t eat, but now she could eat a whole slice before feeing full. The group went to find a table while Marlene and Christopher ordered their food. Manny, Tyler, Safiya and Matthew were in a deep conversation about Matt and Safiya’s theater past, and Rosanna was talking with Mark, Phil, Shayne and Damien. 

“Disneyland is so fun! I wish I’d been before.” Damien exclaimed. 

“I know. My favorite ride so far was the one at Cars Land. I loved how fast it went.” Shayne replied. It was quite a good ride. The ride consisted of two cars that raced each other at high speeds. 

“I really enjoyed Astro Blasters.” Mark added

“We should ride it again then. This is your wish afterall.” Phil suggested. 

“Totally, I just want to ride everything at least once before we ride things a second or third time.” Mark explained. 

“So what did you do the first time you were here?” Shayne asked Rosanna. 

“Matthew and I were here for a Chorus competition. They have a festival of music competition every year, and we had finally raised enough money to come last year, so we stayed over night and participated in the competition. When he had nothing to do, we were allowed to be in the park with our chaperon and our group. It was fun. We even scored really well.”

“How do you score in Chorus?” Phil asked. 

“Basically, they give you a one, two, or three in categories like tone, key, dress, etcetera. And depending on what numbers you receive, your Chorus is either ranked as a one, two, or three.” Rosanna explained. Matthew had joined in on the conversation. 

“Oh yeah, but then other competitions would grade out of one hundred. Each category was worth like five points and they would take the average of the three judges’ scores.” Matthew added. 

“Why were you in Chorus?” Mark asked. 

“I wasn’t in the chorus class, I would only join for after school practices and performances because I had a packed schedule. I was only allowed to be part of the Chorus because of my theater days. The Chorus teacher heard my singing and wanted me in the group. It’s actually the same with you, right?” He asked Rosanna. 

“Yeah. We both had theater class when we could’ve had Chorus.” Rosanna replied. 

“That’s so cool.” Damien replied as Marlene and Christopher came back with everyone’s orders and placed them on the table. 

“Pizza is served!” Marlene said. The group got their meals and began to ate. 

“So Safiya,” Tyler started, “How did you know you were bi?” Safiya wasn’t expecting that question, but she should’ve because he’s the “resident gay” at the hospital. 

“Well, I had kissed a boy and I was fine with that. But then I was dared to kiss this girl in my class, and I was fine with that too. I like kissing both boys and girls, so at the age of 12, I knew I was into guys and girls. I just chose the label recently.” Safiya explained. 

“Oh cool. Why’d you chose Bi?” Manny asked. 

“It seemed to be the easiest thing for my parents to understand. They wouldn’t understand Pan or anything else. They didn’t even care to look into what Bi meant. They just told me that I was going through a phase and I wasn’t actually a lesbian. And I’m not a lesbian, I like both genders. They just couldn’t seem to understand that.” Safiya replied. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see that it was Rosanna who had a sad smile on her face.

“Well don’t worry honey, both Manny and I are extremely gay and we completely understand what Bi means. We’ve got your back.” Tyler reassured Safiya. She took a small bite of her pizza. She could already tell she wasn’t going to eat much at all. 

 

———————————————————

 

With only an hour left until the park closed, the group had decided to ride Astro Blasters one more time. 

“That was so fun.” Mark stated. Of course it was fun, he did get the top score out of everyone in the group. 

“I’m glad you thought so. Now we can watch the fireworks, and then we can go shopping.” Christopher said. The group walked over to a part of the area where it was reserved for them as part of the Make-a-Wish plan. The group had sat themselves down just before the fireworks began. Safiya, Rosanna, and Matthew decided to remain standing. They leaned against the fence and started talking. 

“It’s interesting, how far people will go to help the sick.” Matthew said. “Why can’t we just be nice to everyone, whether or not they’re sick.”

“I know, but it just doesn’t work like that. People won’t help unless they feel bad.” Rosanna replied. 

“Besides, we help people. I guess that’s just got to be enough.” Safiya added. 

“However, I think you should talk to Manny.” Rosanna said. 

“Why?” Matthew asked. 

“Because he has a crush on you, and you haven’t exactly told him no. I think you should.” Rosanna explained. 

“I don’t want to hurt his feelings though.” Matthew looked down and the ground. 

“Guess what, he’s not going to hate you. Just talk to him and let him down easy. He’ll understand.” Safiya places a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll be fine.” She gave him a gentle shove and Matthew finally went, giving them both the stink eye. They watched the two boys interact for a bit before Safiya spoke up. 

“So, I feel like I should tell you something.” Safiya said. 

“What’s up?” Rosanna asked. 

“I saw more than I told you, on your phone.” Safiya admitted. She looked down at Rosanna from the fireworks. She was looking for some sort of sign of emotion. 

“How much did you see?” Rosanna asked. 

“Not much. Just when at the point when it said ‘I don’t know anymore.’ I didn’t want to, but when your phone almost fell I saw my name.” Safiya explained. 

“Oh.” Rosanna looked down at the floor. 

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Safiya replied.

“I just wish you told me from the beginning.” Rosanna said quietly. 

“And I wanted to, I just didn’t want you to be mad.” Safiya had stopped paying attention to the fireworks at this point. 

“I could never get mad at you.” Rosanna said. 

“I bet you could.”

“It was just an accident though, I wouldn’t have cared.” Rosanna looked up at Safiya’s eyes. “I still don’t care right now. Like I said, I can’t get mad at you.” 

“Why couldn’t you?” Safiya turned toward Rosanna. “Why couldn’t you get mad at me?”

“Because, I don’t know.” Rosanna replied. 

“Then you can’t say you wouldn’t have gotten mad because you can’t give me a reason. It’s always a possibility.” Safiya looked down at the floor. 

“Maybe I just don’t want to tell you why.” Rosanna said quietly. 

“Rosanna.” Safiya started. She looked up from the ground as the finale of the fire works started. She took the smaller girl’s hands in her own. “You can tell me. Nothing bad will happen.”

“But something might.” Rosanna looked down at their hands and then back up at her eyes. Safiya pulled her into a hug and they stood like that as the final firework went off. 

“You know I love you right?” Rosanna asked. 

“I love you too. Nothing will change that.” Safiya replied, placing a kiss on Rosanna’s head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you guys want to see this story go in any direction in particular. I’m open to all ideas.


	6. Status Report: It’s Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DISCLAIMER* In this particular chapter, things get a bit heated between Safiya and her parents. The way her parents are portrayed in the story is not an accurate portrayal of how they are in real life. So please don’t forget that this is strictly fiction. The character choices were strictly for the plot of the story. 
> 
> Figured people may get upset over it if I didn’t explain.

“Oh my God!” Rosanna shouted. “I totally forgot what day it was.” She lifted her head off of Safiya’s chest. They were laying on Safiya’s bed watching a movie. 

“Why’s today so special?” Safiya asked. She paused the movie and looked at the girl. 

“It’s visitor’s day.” Rosanna said. Safiya gave her a confused stare. 

“I thought every day allowed visitors.” Safiya said. 

“I meant today is the day parents can actually come and see the progress that’s been made so far, if there is any progress to be made, and then we all have dinner on the roof together. It allows the parents to meet the other kids as well.” Rosanna explained. 

“Do the parents know about this?” Safiya asked. She was starting to get worried. They wouldn’t be ok with Manny and Tyler, and they’d ask too many questions. 

“Oh yeah, all parents are sent an email about it. They all come.” Rosanna said. “We have to pick out an outfit for you!” Rosanna jumped off of the bed and walked over to Safiya’s closet. Safiya rolled her eyes and joined her. 

“I don’t own many nice things.” Safiya explained as Rosanna kept going back and forth through the entire closet. Safiya liked to wear long sleeve shirts and pants, along with a jacket. She was always cold, so it just made the most sense. 

Rosanna pulled out three options. “This one in my favorite,” She said and showed a black knee length dress with pink roses going up the long sleeves, “but these other two will work as well.” She showed a navy blue romper and a black and white striped dress.

“I’ll just wear the black with roses.” Safiya grabbed it and started to pull her shirt over her head. 

“I’m still right here you know.” Rosanna stated and turned around. Safiya shrugged her shoulders. 

“I really don’t care. You’re a girl, I’m a girl, and I trust you.” Safiya replied. 

“But you’re not wearing a bra.” Rosanna said again, sounding particularly worried. 

“Yeah I am.” Safiya said. Rosanna hesitantly turned back around. She finally saw the full extent of what anorexia did to Safiya. Rosanna could see all of her ribs, her stomach was concave-like. Rosanna reached out and ran a few fingers along her ribs. Safiya turned her head away from Rosanna. 

“I’m sorry.” Rosanna whispered. 

“Why?” Safiya looked down at the girl, their eyes finally meeting. 

“I’m sorry that this happened to you.” Rosanna’s hand stopped on Safiya’s hip. “A girl like you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“What type of girl is that?” Safiya whispered back. 

“You already know.” Rosanna brought her other hand to rest on Safiya’s shoulder. Safiya’s heart was racing at this point. Was Rosanna flirting with her? She couldn’t tell. But it didn’t matter, Rosanna had taken a step back. Safiya pulled on the dress and sat back down on the bed. 

“Do you want to help me pick my outfit?” Rosanna asked. She sat down next to Safiya. 

“Yeah. Though you have a better sense of fashion than I do.” The two girls walked over to Rosanna’s room and quickly picked out an outfit. They did each other’s hair and by the time they were finished, Nurse Allison has come in and told them it was time. 

 

———————————————————

 

She absolutely hated this. Sitting next to her parents with her doctor across from them was terrible. They just care about progress, not about if she’s better, but if she’s eating better. They hadn’t even started taking and she knew it was going to be a long conversation. 

“Now, For the amount of time Safiya’s been here, she is making some progress, not a whole lot, but that’s to be expected. We’re trying to work back food into her daily routine at a healthy pace.” Doctor Winston has started. 

“Why is it taking so long?” Her mom interrupted. 

“It’s mostly a health concern, we don’t want her to be exposed to too much too soon, going without eating for as long as she had takes a toll on the body. We have to give the body time to adjust.” Doctor Winston explained. 

“You said mostly.” Her father stated. 

“That’s correct, the other part is that she may not want to get better, which is a mental roadblock we have to overcome.” Doctor Winston started to explain. 

“Why don’t you want to get better? Don’t you want to come home? Don’t you want to be normal?” Safiya’s mom asked her. 

“It’s not that simple mom.” Safiya said quietly. She knew where this was going. 

“It’s very simple. You eat, you get better, you come home.” Safiya’s mom argued. “Why must you be so rebellious?” 

“I didn’t starve myself for almost a year because I wanted to be rebellious!” Safiya shouted.

“Don’t take that tone with your mom.” Her father demanded. 

“Why do you always make me out to be the bad guy? You guys don’t understand what I had to deal with. You didn’t sit in that classroom where all you heard was that you were fat, and you didn’t sit there thinking about what everyone thought of you as the new kid who believed she was fat. I just wanted to fit in. I wanted people to like me.” Safiya was on the verge of tears. 

“This eating issue, anorexia or whatever it’s called, you need to get over. This, along with the whole Bisexual thing has gone on for far too long.” Safiya’s mom stated. 

“Mrs. Nygaard,” Doctor Winston pleaded, “please watch what you say.” 

“Just stop! That’s enough. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t deal with this perfection you expect from me.” Safiya felt a tear roll down her face. She stormed out of the Doctor’s office and into the lounge where she fell to her knees on the fuzzy carpet and just started to sob. She felt hand on her back. 

“Leave me alone!” She yelled. She didn’t bother to look up at her parents.

“Saf, it’s me.” Rosanna whispered. Rosanna had just finished the doctor interview when she saw Safiya on the carpet. Her parents waited by the door frame as well as a few doctors who had stopped and was looking through the glass windows. Safiya was sobbing into her hands, though she moved to lean against Rosanna. 

“What happened?” Rosanna asked. 

“My parents just don’t get it. They never do and everything’s always my fault and just some rebellious tendencies.” She said through the tears. 

“Sweetie, you’re going to have to sit up. You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t.” Rosanna said. Safiya hesitantly lifted her head up and rested it on Rosanna’s shoulder. Rosanna wrapped her arms around the girl. “This isn’t your fault. It’s not a substandard attempt at rebellion. It’s the hand you’ve been dealt.” Rosanna signaled for her parents to come in. They sat down on the carpet across from them. 

“This is my mom and dad, if you ever need to talk to an adult, you can talk to them. They’ll be unbiased.” Safiya was still crying, but not as hard

“I wish this wasn’t how I met your parents.” Safiya said with a slight laugh. I’m very fond of your daughter.” She said to Rosanna’s parents. 

“We’ve heard quite a lot about you.” Mr. Pansino said softly. He had a kindness in his eyes that Safiya didn’t see very often. 

“And we just want to make sure you’re ok. Whatever’s wrong, we can help.” Mrs. Pansino added. Safiya could already tell that she was a great mom, she was gentle and Safiya felt like she could trust her. Safiya had stopped crying. 

“Thank you, really, I don’t want to be a burden though.” Safiya murmured. 

“Sweetie, if my daughter cares enough to drop everything and see what’s wrong, you’re not a burden.” Mr. Pansino replied. 

“We should head up to the roof, do you want to come with us?” Mrs. Pansino asked. 

“Yeah.” Safiya answered. She felt Rosanna loosen her grip and her parents stood up. Rosanna helped Safiya to her feet and they walked up to the roof together. 

 

———————————————————

 

Dinner had started off nicely. They all had name tags on where they were sitting, and wouldn’t you know it, but Rosanna and Safiya were seated next to each other. Made sense, since that seemed to be the only time Safiya would eat. But right now, Safiya hadn’t even touched her fork. Her parents were sitting to her left, and her mom kept glaring at her as the evening went, probably to tell her to eat, but she couldn’t. She needed control, and this was how she got it.

“So, Safiya, how have you been adjusting to hospital life?” Matthew’s dad, Mr. Patrick asked. Somehow conversation finally turned to her. 

“It’s been fine actually. All of the kids here have been really nice and accepted me from the very beginning.” Safiya replied. 

“Are you feeling ok?” Damien’s mom, Mrs. Haas asked. “You haven’t touched your food at all.” 

“I’m fine really, I’m just not hungry.” Safiya shrugged her shoulders. She took her hands on the table and placed them in her lap, nervously tapping on her legs. 

“I was never told why you were here. Do you mind sharing?” Phil’s dad, Mr. DeFranco asked. 

“It’s her choice to be here.” Mrs. Nygaard mumbled. 

“I don’t understand.” Mr. Patrick was confused. 

Rosanna placed a hand on Safiya’s. She stopped tapping. "Safiya has anorexia and bulimia. Both of which are eating disorders.” Rosanna said. The table grew quiet. 

“Is the food making you uncomfortable?” Mrs. Topp, Shayne’s mom, asked. 

“No. Being around food is easy. And I’ve been making progress. I’ve started eating again.” Safiya explained. 

“Then eat.” Her mom said. 

“No.” Safiya simply replied. 

“Why not?” Her dad asked. 

“Because right now, I need some sort of control. This is how I’m getting it.” Safiya said calmly. She didn’t want to start another fight. 

“Why? Just eat and get better. Then you can home.” Her mom said. It was the same thing as earlier, but this time, there was an audience to watch the situation unravel. 

“I can’t deal with this right now. Can we please just have a nice dinner?” Safiya asked. 

“This thing you have has gone on for far too long Safiya. Just get over it.” Her dad said firmly. She could tell he was getting mad. 

“Now Mr. Nygaard, I don’t think that’s the best way to handle a situation like this.” Mrs. Patrick suggested.

“It is when it’s just her attempt at rebellion! Her eating habits and her supposed ‘sexuality’ are just two things she’s doing to try and rebel.” Mrs. Nygaard argued back. The adults started to argue back and forth. Manny just looked over at Tyler with a look of worry on his face. Mark and Matthew were examining the situation, trying to figure out if they could diffuse the situation. 

“Enough!” Safiya yelled and stood up. Everyone looked up at her. “Just stop. For once in your life, stop!” She pleaded. “I’m not trying to rebel. I have two, very real, very deadly eating disorders and you think I’m trying to prove some point? To act out? You think I’m trying to make you guys suffer but I’m suffering too! I’m the one who had to suffer through all of the bullying, verbal and physical. I’m the one who was just trying to live up to your expectations. The standard of perfection that you set I was trying to achieve. Can I help that I’m Bi? No. I can’t. I like boys and girls. That’s not going away anytime soon. And these eating disorders aren’t going away either if you keep trying to pressure me into eating. The only reason I’ve been eating in the first place is because of Rosanna.” She sat back down. “Just stop already.” She pleaded. 

“I think we should get going.” Her dad said. Her parents stood up to leave. They didn’t say I love you or bye, they just left. The remaining guests sat in silence for a moment before Tyler brought up a funny anecdote about their Disneyland adventure. As they were talking, Rosanna scooted closer to Safiya and wrapped her arms around her. 

“Are you ok?” Rosanna whispered. 

“I’m fine. I’m sorry I brought you into it.” Safiya said. 

“It’s ok. I’m glad I’m here for you. Rosanna replied. She rested her head on Safiya’s shoulder. 

“So am I.” Safiya replied. 

 

When dinner was over and the parents had said their goodbyes to their kids, Safiya and Rosanna stayed on the roof for a little bit, helping Nurse Allison clean up. They worked in silence until they were done. Nurse Allison took the trash away and told them to be inside by 8:30, which was in 10 minutes. They decided to take the stairs down instead of the elevator, knowing that they needed to talk in relative privateness. 

“So, I didn’t know your parents thought like that.” Rosanna said. 

“Yeah, but it’s whatever. They won’t ever really understand.” Safiya replied. Rosanna stopped on the landing. 

“But it does matter.” Rosanna stated. “They’re your parents. They should be supportive.” 

“I don’t know anymore.” Safiya leaned against the wall, placing her foot against it and crossing her arms. “They just don’t want to help. It’s my job to get better so things can go back to normal.”

“Things will never be normal again.” Rosanna replied. She had been pacing a bit, trying to come up with a solution. 

“I know that. But they don’t.” Safiya responded. “They don’t care about how I’m doing, they just want me to eat. They just want to forget this ever happened.” Rosanna stopped pacing. She looked over at Safiya, taking a couple of steps until she was directly in front of Safiya. 

“I care about you.” Rosanna said softly. “I want to help.”

“But what happens if I get better? You’ll just forget about me.” Safiya said. She looked down at the girl in front of her. 

“I could never forget you. But maybe you should try talking to your parents without trying to get so hostile.” Rosanna suggested. 

“That’s not going to work.” Safiya rebutted. 

“It could! You just have to try.” Rosanna tried to argue. 

“Rosanna seriously, it’s not going to work.”

“Just try for me. It can’t hurt to. Or maybe, you’re just afraid.” Rosanna spat out. 

“Excuse me?” Safiya stood up straight. She’s never seen Rosanna get so, sassy. It was very intoxicating. 

“You’re just scared to try. You’re scared of failing. Who cares if you fail? I don’t. You shouldn’t. Mistakes are normal. So suck it up. You have to try or nothing will—“

Safiya was a lot stronger than she thought, especially for someone so malnourished. Safiya had flipped the two of them, holding Rosanna to the wall, a hand resting on her hip. Their faces were inches away from each other, her other hand placed against the wall. Safiya’s eyes flicked down to Rosanna’s lips as she slowly inches closer to the girl’s lips. 

“I’m not scared.” Safiya whispered. Rosanna’s heart was beating one hundred miles an hour. She could feel Safiya’s breath in her lips. She thought Safiya was going to close the gap. Safiya leaned back and started walking down the next set of stairs. Rosanna was frozen in place. 

“You coming?” Safiya asked. Rosanna nodded her head and caught up with Safiya. They didn’t speak the rest of the way down. 

When they reached their rooms, they shared a hug that lingered for too long, an unspoken promise of something, Rosanna didn’t know what, was hanging in the air. She entered her room, pulled out her phone and sent Matthew a text. Tomorrow was going to be quite interesting for both of them.


	7. Party Problems

"I'm sorry. _She did what?_ " Matthew asked. Matthew was helping Rosanna set up the food table. Today was his birthday party, and he refused to let Rosanna do all of the work, especially since she had cooked and baked everything.

Rosanna looked up from the plate of desserts she was stacking. "She pushed me against the wall and got really close, and then said 'I’m not scared. And then she just walked away." Rosanna looked back down to finish the tower of cookies. 

"Really?" Matthew grabbed one of the trays of sandwiches and moved it to it's section. "What led up to this scenario?" 

"I told her to confront her parents. And then she got all defensive so I accused her of being scared." Rosanna shrugged her shoulders. "I was just trying to push her."

"Well, _clearly_ that push was in a different direction than what was intended." Matthew let out a slight chuckle. "So, What does that mean for you?" 

"What do you mean?" Rosanna asked. 

"How do you feel about the whole thing?" Matthew asked. 

"I... don’t know." Rosanna said with a sigh. "It’s just a difficult predicament." 

"How so?" Matthew asked. He stepped back to look at the table and started adjusting a few things. 

"It's just, yeah, she's really pretty, but I don’t know how she feels about me. I don’t know how I feel about her." Rosanna explained. 

"Let me stop you there." Matthew started. "You keep saying you don’t know but I’m about 90% certain that you do know." Rosanna opened her mouth to protest. "Don’t even try that. You know I’m speaking the truth. What’s stopping you from telling me your real feelings? We're basically siblings. You can tell me anything."

"I don’t want to ruin anything." Rosanna whispered. 

"You're not going to." Matthew places his hand over Rosanna's. It was shaking, and Matthew could tell she was worried. She took a deep breath. 

"I do. I really do like her. But is telling her worth it?" Rosanna looked up at Matthew. "I don’t want our friendship to end. Besides, she's going to get better, and then she's going to leave. It'll never work out."

"That’s like saying Steph and I will never work out." Matthew rebutted. "We're just fine right now." Rosanna started to blush. 

"I invited Steph by the way." Matthew looked at her with fear in his eyes. 

"What?!" Matthew ran his hand through his hair. It was his nervous tick. "Oh, Manny and Tyler are going to dissect her alive. That’s not going to be very good." 

"It'll be fine. She can handle herself." Rosanna stepped back with Matthew to admire their work.

"When is she supposed to get here?"

"In about an hour. I figured we'd be ready by then." Rosanna said. "She said she’d text me when she's on her way. Now you, need to change."

"Why?" Matthew looked down at his outfit. He had a blue plaid shirt and some black jeans. 

"Because it's supposed to be a semi formal event. That," she gestured towards his outfit, "is not semi formal. I left an outfit out on your bed. Now go change." She shooed him away. When he left, she raced to her room where she changed as quickly as she could so she could finish the birthday cake. She threw on an apron and hurried to the kitchen. 

She pulled out the three layers of cake, pushed in some boba tea straws, and started to stack. As she was placing the final layer, she heard a knock. She looked up and saw Safiya. She was breathtaking, with a knee length blue dress and black booties. 

"Need any help?" Safiya asked. She walked over and sat on the countertop.

"No, I’m just adding the finishing touches." She picked up the piping bag with white frosting and started a pearl trim. Safiya just watched her work.

"You're really good at this." Safiya said when Rosanna finally finished the final trim.

"Thanks. I've just practiced a lot. Can you pass me the fondant game controller?" Rosanna asked Safiya. The cake was video game themed, with the tears being black, green, black. She had made video game characters like Sonic and Mario out of fondant and placed them around the edges. The video game controller was to be the cake topper. Safiya passed it over and Rosanna placed it on the top. She stepped down from the step stool to take a final look. 

"What do you think?" Rosanna asked Safiya. She hopped down from the ledge.

"It's really great. MatPat's going to love it." Safiya wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's waist. Rosanna tensed up a bit. _Should she tell her now?_ Rosanna didn’t know. 

"Ro?" Safiya whispered. It seemed like the appropriate time to whisper. "Is this ok?"

"What do you mean?" Rosanna whispered back. 

"You seem anxious. Are you ok with me doing this?" Safiya explained. 

"It’s fine. More than fine." Rosanna turned so she could wrap her arms around Safiya. "I trust you. There's a lot of things you've done that I wouldn’t let others do."

"You mean like pushing you up against a wall?" Safiya asked.

"That’s definitely one of them." Rosanna said with a slight chuckle. "I’m pretty sure there's nothing you could do that would make me uncomfortable."

"You sure about that?" Safiya asked with a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Yeah. I’m sure." Rosanna said. She let go, grabbed the cake, and then took it out to the table. Safiya followed her out. When Rosanna was happy with the lay out, they both headed up to their rooms to change. Rosanna put on a blue, ombré, knee length dress. She did a quick braid and hurried back down to meet up with Stephanie. She was supposed to be there in five minutes. The other guests, their old theater friends, were arriving soon as well.

"Hey Ro!" Stephanie ran up to the smaller girl. She pulled Rosanna into a big hug. 

"I haven’t seen you in ages!" Rosanna said. 

"I know! I really need to get out of the house more. But swim team has been taking a lot of time." Stephanie replied. The started walking towards the party area. 

"I’m so glad you could come. Matthew is going to be so happy." Rosanna said.

"I’m glad too. It is his 18th birthday. That’s a pretty special occasion."

"Yeah. That's why I wanted to do something bigger than the normal get-together on the roof." Rosanna gestured toward the food table. "I mean, he's basically my brother. I had to pull out all of the tricks." Rosanna felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Safiya. 

"Is this ok?" Safiya asked. She was wearing a lilac, knee length dress and a white, flower head band. 

"It's perfect." Rosanna said with a small smile. She could feel a blush starting to form. 

"Thanks. I’m not too used to the whole formal, semi formal, casual thing. I would normally wear something baggy no matter what. But anyways, I’ll leave you be. You seem busy." Safiya turned to leave. 

"No wait, you can stay." Stephanie said. "What's your name?"

"Oh sorry. I’m Safiya. Safiya Nygaard. I'm pretty new here." Safiya pulled her into a hug. 

"I’m Stephanie. But most people call me Steph." 

"Oh! So you're Matthew's girlfriend. It's so nice to finally meet you."

"Girlfriend? I didn’t know that’s how he described it." Stephanie said. She was blushing hard. 

"He never actually said girlfriend, I just assumed. I guess I was wrong." Safiya explained. 

"I think we all assumed you were his girlfriend." Rosanna added.

"Anyway, I'm going to see if Damien or Manny needs any help." Safiya said. She gave Rosanna one last hug and went looking for the boys. Rosanna turned back to Stephanie. Stephanie had a smirk on her face. 

"What?" Rosanna asked. 

"You like her." Stephanie stated. 

"What? No I don’t." Rosanna said. Stephanie was the other person that knew she was Bi besides Matthew and Safiya. 

"Yes you do. And she likes you too. I saw the way you two look at each other. It's adorable." Stephanie gushed. 

"Seriously?" Rosanna asked. Stephanie just stared at her with that look in her eyes. "Fine. I do like her, a lot." Stephanie pulled her into a hug. 

"Im so excited. So when are you going to tell her?" Stephanie pulled back. 

"I’m not telling her anything." Rosanna said. "I’m not messing up our friendship." 

"Then I'll tell her." Stephanie shrugged her shoulders. "I have no trouble doing it."

"No! You can’t." Rosanna freaked out. 

Stephanie have her an ultimatum. "Either you tell her by the end of this party, or I do before I leave." 

"Do I have to?" 

"Yes! Live a little. You're 17. You're almost an adult. And you have cancer. I can tell she likes you, I see it in her eyes. So remember, tell her, or I will."

"How long is it until you leave?" Rosanna asked. 

Stephanie checked her watch. "Well, it's 4:15 now, so about four and a half hours."

"That’s not a lot of time." Rosanna rebutted. Stephanie shrugged her shoulders. 

"Then make it work. Look, the party is about to start, so let’s have fun, and you need to figure out when you're going to tell her."

 

————————————————————————————————————

 

There was thirty minutes left of the party. And Rosanna didn’t know what to do. Yes, it would be better if she told Safiya herself, but could she bare the humiliation? She checked her watch again and got up on a chair. She tapped a spoon on one of the glasses. The guests quieted down. 

"So, I met Matthew in Kindergarten. We instantly hit it off. We were inseparable, brother and sister. And now, he's 18, and I’m almost there with him. We're going to be adults. And yes, we both have cancer. Doctors told him he wasn’t going to make it to adulthood. But here he is. Alive, beating the statistical odds. And I couldn’t be more proud. To Matthew." Rosanna toasted. She looked over at Matthew who was crying. "And now, it’s time to cut the cake." Matthew got up and walked over with Rosanna to the cake table. 

She lit the candles and the guests started singing happy birthday. Matthew blew out the candles and then they cut the cake. As everyone came up and got their cake slices, Safiya walked up next to Rosanna. 

"This was a really good party." Safiya commented. 

"Thanks. I put a lot of effort into it." The guests were finished getting their slices so it was just the two of them standing there. Rosanna could see Stephanie giving her a knowing look. 

"So, will you need help cleaning up when it's over?" Safiya asked. 

"If you don’t mind, that would be really helpful."

"It’s no big deal. I want to help." Safiya started to go back to her seat. 

"Wait!" Rosanna started. Safiya stopped moving. Rosanna grabbed Safiya's wrist and took her to the nearest unoccupied room. 

"What's up?" Safiya asked. She was quite confused. 

"I need to tell you something." Rosanna said. She was fidgeting, she kept lacing and twisting her fingers. 

"What’s going on?" Safiya looked nervously around the room. "Did I do something?"

"Oh, no. God no. You haven’t done anything wrong."

"Then what do you need?"

"I... I..." Rosanna stuttered. "Um... I’m sorry, I can't." Rosanna took off running. 

"What just happened?" Safiya walked out of the room and over to the table. She sat down next Stephanie. 

"Did she do it?" Stephanie asked. Stephanie turned to face Safiya. 

"What do you mean?" Safiya asked. She was still so confused. 

"Did she tell you?" Stephanie explained. "By the look you're giving me I assume she didn’t." 

"What was she supposed to tell me?" Stephanie took a deep breath. 

"She likes you." 

"I know that. We're basically best friends. I would hope she likes me." Safiya said with a chuckle. 

"No. I mean she likes you. As in likes you-likes you. As in, she wants to be your girlfriend likes you." Stephanie explained. 

"Wait, what?" Safiya asked. "I need to go find her." Safiya stood up and ran in the direction that she saw Rosanna go in.

"Good luck!" Stephanie yelled after her. 

 

————————————————————————————————————

 

Rosanna heard a knock on her door. She got up and opened it.

"Nope! Not happening." She turned around immediately and sat on her bed. 

"Rosanna please listen to me for a moment." Safiya walked in and shut the door behind her. 

"I know Stephanie told you. I didn’t want you to know but she left me no choice. She gave me an ultimatum." Safiya sat down next to her. 

"You didn’t want me to know that you like me? Why?" Safiya asked. 

"Because I don’t want to ruin what we have." Rosanna explained. She turned away from Safiya. 

"You won’t." Safiya stated. 

"How do you know that?" Rosanna asked. "You don’t feel the same way. I ruined everything. I don’t know—"

"I like you too." Safiya interjected. Rosanna turned to face her. 

"What?" Rosanna asked. Safiya leaned in and kissed Rosanna softly. Rosanna was frozen. 

"I like you. The feeling is mutual." Rosanna leaned back in and kissed Safiya. Safiya placed her hand on Rosanna's shoulder. Rosanna put a hand on Safiya's neck. Safiya pulled back. 

"I’m really happy we finally talked about this." Safiya said. 

"Me too. Wait," Rosanna pulled her hand back. "I’m not out to anyone besides you, Steph, and MatPat. What will the others think? What will my _parents_ think?"

"Don’t freak out. I’ve gone through this process before. We take it one step at a time. We do this at your pace." Safiya pulled Rosanna into a hug. "Everything will be ok."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is a bit late. I’ve been sick, which sucks. Let me know what you guys think and if you want to see this story go in any particular direction.


	8. It’s All Gone Now

Rosanna woke up extremely happy. Yes, she had her triweekly chemo session yesterday and was feeling completely drained, but she was still overjoyed by the confessions she and Safiya shared with each other. It happened only two days ago. Things were going great. She heard a knock at her door. 

“Come in!” She shouted. Matthew opened the door. He came in and sat next to her on her bed. 

“So, how are you feeling?” 

“Super tired, but it’s whatever. I’m still really happy though.”

“I’m really happy for you then. It’s amazing how you’re still able to find the bright side of things.”

“Yeah, I try my best. There’s always going to be someone worse off than I am so why complain?” Rosanna got off and walked over to her vanity. She grabbed the brush, “I mean, chemo sucks, but at least I’m able to have it. Some people with cancer don’t have access to it.”

“Ro.” Matthew was looking down at her pillow. 

“Plus, Safiya and I could actually be allowed to be in a relationship. There are a lot of people that can’t because it’s illegal.” She continued. She hadn’t heard Matthew. 

“Rosanna,” he said again. “Look.” He gestured towards her pillow. She turned away from the mirror and looked. 

“Oh my God. No. No, no!” Rosanna started to freak out. “This can’t be happening.”

“It was going to happen at some point. Hair loss is quite the common side effect of chemotherapy.” Matthew collected the pieces of hair from her pillow and tossed them in the trash. She looked down at the floor and picked up the strands that had fallen out as she brushed her hair. 

“You know how much I care about my hair.” Rosanna said. Sure, it might seem vain to care about her appearance, but when her life was flipped upside down, she brushed and messed with her hair when she got stressed. It was a coping mechanism.

“It’ll be ok. I’ve gone through this before.” Matthew went over and pulled her into a hug. “There are many options for this. You could get a wig, wear a hat, wear bandana, or nothing at all.”

“I know, I just, I didn’t want this to happen.” Rosanna was trying her best to hold back the tears. Matthew pulled back and led her to the bed. He got up there and then helped her up. She laid her head in his lap and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to lose my hair.” She whispered. 

“This might sound crazy, and it might be considered the same as losing your hair, but you could shave the rest of it off. That way, you have control of it.”

“That’s not crazy at all. I like that idea. A lot.” Rosanna said. 

“You’re going to shave your hair?” Safiya had been standing in the door frame. “I was about to knock but then I heard that. Why do you want to do that?” She walked over and leaned against the bed. 

“Because my hair is falling out. I want to do it myself instead of letting my illness control yet another thing about my life.”

“That’s really brave.” Safiya placed her hand over Rosanna’s. “When do you plan on doing it?” 

“Probably today. I don’t know. I’ll have to call my parents and tell them first.”

“I’ll go let Nurse Allison know about your hair.” Matthew gently moved Rosanna’s head off of his lap and hurried out of the room. 

“Do you want me to be with you when you call them?” Safiya asked. She knew that the call could be heart wrenching to both Rosanna and her parents. 

“Yeah. Thanks.” Rosanna reaches over to her nightstand and grabbed her phone. She dialed her mom’s number and waited for her to pick up. Safiya silently laced her hand with Rosanna’s for support. 

“Hi mom... I’m good, how are you?... Yeah everything’s fine, except,” Rosanna took a deep breath, “my hair started falling out... it’s fine, honestly. I just wanted to let you know that I’m shaving the rest of it off... because I wasn’t let my illness take another thing away from me. I’m doing it on my own... Really? I didn’t expect you to be ok with it... That was it... Love you too, bye.” Rosanna hung up. 

“I’m guessing they’re ok with it?” Safiya asked after a moment. 

“Yeah. They are.” Rosanna rested her head on Safiya’s shoulder. She let her hand stay with Safiya’s. After a few minutes, she heard a knock at the door. 

“Come in!” She shouted, quickly pulling her hand back. Nurse Allison came in along with all of the other long term patients, her friends. Her friends moved over to the little seating area she had and Nurse Allison approached Rosanna. 

“So, your hair started falling out?”

“Yeah.” Rosanna looked up at Nurse Allison. 

“Matthew said you want to shave the rest of it off. Is that also true?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok then. Lucky for you, I happen to know a doctor that also has a cosmetology license. I’ll go see if they aren’t busy. In the mean time, don’t stress, you have a wonderful support system sitting right there.” Nurse Allison left the room to find the other doctor. 

“How are you feeling?” Manny asked. He was really worried about Rosanna. She was the ray of hope that made the rest of them feel like anything was possible, but now, he didn’t know how this would affect her. 

“Physically, I’m fine. I don’t feel sick or tired. Mentally, I don’t know.” Rosanna leaned back and rested on the bed next to Safiya. She felt Safiya silently slip a hand over her own. 

“Well, after this, we can do whatever you want.” Mark suggested. “Literally whatever you want.”

“Damien, Manny, how are you feeling today?” Safiya asked. 

“Pretty good actually. Today is considered a good day.” Damien replied. 

“Yeah same.” Manny agreed. “Why?”

“Remember what that conversation we had a little bit ago where you talked about things you wanted to do before you die?”

“Yeah. What about it?” Rosanna asked. 

“Let’s cross one of those things off of your list. We should go ice skating.” Safiya suggested. 

“That would be amazing!” Rosanna cheered. “I don’t remember the only time I ever went ice skating. I was so little.”

“Then it’s settled. We should tell Nurse Allison. After all, it was her idea that we do something fun for you.” Shayne replied. Nurse Allison knocked on the door. 

“Rosanna, this is Doctor Morgan.” The man standing behind her gave a little wave. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Rosanna replied. He seemed kind. He grabbed a chair and sat next to the bed. 

“So I hear you started losing your hair and I’m supposed to shave it off for you?”

“Yeah. Apparently so.”

“Are they going to stay and watch?” He gestured towards her friends. 

Rosanna turned to them. “If you guys want to stay you can, I don’t care.”

“We’ll stay then.” Matthew stated. 

“Then let’s get started.” Doctor Morgan said. 

 

———————————————————

 

Rosanna felt her head. It was, weird to be without her hair. She looked down from the chair she was sitting in. The hair once on her head was scattered all over the floor. She looked in the mirror. She didn’t completely hate it, but it was going to take some getting used to. 

“Here,” Doctor Morgan said. He handed her a beanie, “I didn’t know how you were going to handle this now, but I figured a beanie was the safest option.” Rosanna took the beanie from his hand. 

“Thank you.” Rosanna looked at the beanie, it was black, but the folded part had some sort of design on it. Upon closer inspection, it was white embroidered vines with different types of flowers. She put the beanie on and looked in the mirror. “It’s just what I needed.” She hopped out of the chair and gave Doctor Morgan a hug. 

“I’ll get the broom.” Phil got up and went to find the janitor’s closet. 

“Well I happen to like it.” Matthew said. 

“That’s only because you’ve done this before.” 

“I like it too.” Safiya said with a small smile. “It’s different, but it just seems so... you.”

“Thanks.” Rosanna replied. Phil came back in and started to sweep up the hair. “I can do-“

“Nope. I won’t let you. You’ve been through enough. I’ve got this.” Phil cut her off. 

“So Rosanna, did you figure out something you wanted to do?” Nurse Allison asked. 

“Can we go ice skating?” Rosanna asked. 

“Sure. Let me just call your parents and then we can head over to the rink.”


	9. It’s a Small Technicality

“So you’ve been here before?” Safiya asked. 

“Yeah. Once or twice maybe. I don’t really remember the place that well, but I remember it was fun.” Rosanna said as they walked up to the counter. They handed over their shoes, told the person behind the counter their shoe size, and retrieved their skates. 

“Is it hard?” Safiya asked, slipping on an ice skate. 

“Depends. For some, it’ll be super hard. But for others, it’ll be easy for them to pick up. Some people are just naturals.” Rosanna has already finished lacing up her skates. “You didn’t do it tight enough.”

“What?” Safiya looked down at her skates. They looked fine to her. 

“You have to lace them up tighter or you’ll get hurt.” Rosanna bent down to fix Safiya’s skates. 

“So how many of us actually know how to skate?” Shayne called out to the group. Rosanna, Damien, and Matthew rose their hands. 

“That’s not a lot.” Matthew pointed out. 

“Well, we’ll figure it out.” Tyler said. “I call dibs on you being my teacher though.” 

“Sorry, I actually asked Stephanie to come, so I’ll be teaching her first, at least I’ll probably be teaching her first. I’ve never asked if she could ice skate.”

“Oh that’ll be fun!” Rosanna exclaimed. “You two never get to see each other.” 

“Yeah. She’ll be here in like five minutes.” Matthew added. Rosanna stood up and took Safiya’s hand. 

“Let’s go, I’ll teach you first.”

 

———————————————————

 

This was a terrible idea. As soon as she stepped on the ice, she _knew_ it wasn’t a good idea. 

“C’mon Safiya, you’ve got to let go of the wall!”

“Nope! I’m good. I’ll just stay right here.” She was clinging to the wall. Rosanna moves in front of her. 

“What’s scaring you?” She asked. 

“Nothing, I just don’t want to fall.” Safiya looked down at the ice. 

“That’s the same as saying you’re afraid of falling. Grab my hands.” Rosanna held out her hands. Safiya hesitantly grabbed Rosanna’s hands. 

“What are you going to do?” Safiya asked as she felt Rosanna tighten her grip. 

“Just trust me.” Rosanna said. She slowly started to skate backwards. “I’ll need you to move your feet in and out, like in a squiggly motion.” Safiya did as she was told. 

“See, you’re doing great. That’s the first step! All that’s left is for you to let go of my hand.” Rosanna loosened her grip until it was just Safiya holding her there. 

“I’m going to fall if I let go.”

“You won’t.” Rosanna pulled her hands back quickly. 

“Rosanna!” Safiya shouted. 

“Remember what I told you, just move your feet. Bend your knees a little, and don’t look down.” 

“Ok.” Safiya moved her feet a little. She saw Stephanie and Matthew come up to them out of the corner of her eye. 

“How’s it going?” Matthew asked. 

“We’re making progress.” Rosanna said. “What about you two? You guys seem really good.”

“Apparently, Steph over here has had a bunch of figure skating training.” Matthew said. 

“Aw, don’t feel bad just because someone is finally better than you.”

“I had five years of figure skating, how the hell was I supposed to know you’d be better.”

“That’s because I had seven years. I was at competition level. Of course I’m going to be better than you.”

“Really?” Safiya asked. 

“Oh yeah. I do it every now and then just for fun though. I can try and help you if you want.” Stephanie offered. 

“Thanks. I’d like that. I’m sure Ro is tired of trying to teach me anyways. Go have fun with MatPat.” Safiya said. Rosanna skated off with Matthew. 

“So we’re going to start off at the wall, but first, we need to talk.” Stephanie looked at Safiya with an inquisitive stare. 

“What’s up?”

“You kissed, didn’t you? I can tell by the way you two are acting around each other.” Stephanie asked as she showed Safiya what to do. 

“So what if we did?” Safiya asked. Stephanie was watching her feet. 

“That’s good for you, just be careful. The last person she liked died because of what you have.” Stephanie explained. She looked back up at Safiya. “You seem shocked. She didn’t tell you?”

“No. Mike was her boyfriend?” Safiya asked. 

“Yeah, he was. And she was devastated when he died of his anorexia. He, unlike you, didn’t want to get better and didn’t try.” Stephanie could see worry in her eyes. “I’m not telling you this to trouble you, I’m telling you this so you can be informed.”

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Try not to hurt her. I know it’s not that easy, but I want you to try at least. She was already hurt once.”

“I would never hurt her on purpose.” Safiya stated. Stephanie took her hands and they pushed off of the wall. 

“Mike didn’t hurt her on purpose either, but that didn’t stop her from blaming herself and hurting herself.” Stephanie showed her what to do off of the wall. 

“What do you mean hurt herself?” Safiya asked. She let go of Stephanie’s hand and tried skating on her own. 

“She would cut herself.” Safiya stopped in her tracks.

“I’ve never seen the scars on her arms.” Safiya rebutted. 

“They aren’t on her arms. She would cut her thighs, somewhere less visible. She’s better now. Just, I don’t know how to put this lightly, try not to die.”

“Ok.”

Oh look, you’re doing great!” Stephanie said. They’d made it half way around the rink without Safiya grabbing the wall once. 

“What time is it?” Safiya asked. Stephanie glances at her watch. 

“6:10, why?” 

“Because we have to be off of the ice by 6:30. Time went really fast.”

“Or you’re just really slow.” Stephanie jokes. She gestured for Rosanna and Matthew to come back. 

“I have taught the unteachable!” Stephanie cheered as they came up next to Safiya. 

“Oh yay! I’m so glad.” Rosanna gave Safiya’s hand a squeeze. 

“Yeah, great job Safiya, and good job Steph.” Matthew put his arm around Stephanie. 

“You guys want to go for a lap?” Stephanie asked. 

“Actually, I’m feeling really tired. I think I’m just going to sit the rest of this out.” Rosanna started moving to the gate. 

“Is it because of the chemo?” Matthew asked. 

“Yeah. I’ll be fine, you guys have fun.” Rosanna replied. 

“No, we’ll come with you.” Stephanie followed Rosanna, along with Matthew and Safiya, off the ice. 

 

———————————————————

 

“It was fun while it lasted.” Safiya said, handing her ice skates over to the person behind the counter.

“Yeah, ice skating’s something I’ve missed doing. But with cancer, it’s not usually an option.” Rosanna got her shoes and they walked back to the table. Matthew and Stephanie were already immersed in a deep conversation. 

“Seriously? Double majoring is a big deal. Are you going to be able to handle that?” Stephanie asked. Rosanna and Safiya sat down next to her. 

“If I survive long enough, yes. I want to double major in Theater Arts and Psychology.” Matthew replied. 

“But what if you never get out of the hospital?”

“Then I’ll do it online. There are other ways. Don’t you guys agree?”

“I mean, I agree you could handle it, but what about the cost?” Rosanna asked. 

“I’ve got a full ride to Duke, I don’t have to worry about that.”

“How?” Safiya asked. 

“It’s an academic scholarship, I had great recommendations, good volunteer hours, I participated in extracurricular activities, and I got a Perfect SAT score.” Matthew explained. 

“A perfect SAT?” Rosanna repeated. 

“Yeah. I mean, you just have to think like the test maker. But anyways, I’m just thinking in case I do live.” Matthew shrugged his shoulders. 

“Have you tried surgery yet?” Safiya asked. 

“No, because the doctors are hesitant about it. It’s really close to my cerebral cortex. One false step could ruin my memory.” Matthew replied. 

“Are you willing to take the risk?” Safiya looked at him. 

“Yeah. I am. But my parents aren’t.” Matthew looked down. “Let’s go get some food.” The group got up and went over to the snack bar. 

“Technically,” Rosanna said, “You’re 18 now. You don’t need your parents’ permission.” 

“That’s true. But you know, I just don’t want to hurt them.” Matthew replied as he pulled out his wallet. He was going to pay for their food. The group ordered some cheese fries and pizza. Matthew sent the three girls back to the table as he waited for the food. 

“So have you two made it official?” Rosanna asked Stephanie. 

“I don’t think so. I mean, I’d love to, but it’s a big commitment, especially since he might die soon.” Stephanie replied. 

“I get it.” Safiya replied. She grabbed her drink and took a sip. She had a bad feeling for some reason. 

“I really want him to get that surgery though. It’s only a 5 percent chance of them damaging his cerebral cortex. I think it’s a chance worth taking.” Stephanie leaned her head on Rosanna’s shoulder. She wanted him to live, and if surgery could do that, then he should take that opportunity. 

“Talk to him about it. I’m sure he’ll understand.” Rosanna replied. She understood at least. “Mike died because of his condition, so if Matt has a chance, he should take it.” Matthew came over and sat down with their food. He handed it out to the girls and they ate in silence. Safiya’s phone started to ring. 

“Sorry, it’s my mom.” She said and then answered the phone. 

“Hello?” 

_”Safiya, something happened.”_

“What’s going on?”

_”It’s Tyler. He tried to kill himself.”_

“No. He didn’t. Tyler wouldn’t do that.” Safiya stood up and walked away from the group. “Wait, tried?”

_“He’s at the hospital now. They’re going to keep him there for a bit, in the Psychiatric department.”_

“How’d he do it?” 

_“Pills. They had to pump his stomach, but the doctors said he’s going to make a full recovery. I’m really sorry, I know how much he means to you.”_

“I’ll be fine. I gotta go mom. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” Safiya hung up. She walked back and sat down, suppressing tears. 

“What’s wrong?” Rosanna asked. 

“It’s Tyler. He tried to kill himself.” Safiya said. 

“Our Tyler? Oakley?” Matthew was confused. He didn’t seem like the type of person to do that. 

“No, my Tyler. Tyler Williams.” Safiya could feel a tear fall down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away. 

“Who’s that?” Stephanie asked. 

“My best friend,” Safiya replied. She looked over at Rosanna. “And he’s also _technically_ my boyfriend.”


	10. Collateral Damage

“Rosanna open the door!” Safiya yelled. She had been knocking on the girls door for the past 7 minutes and 23 seconds. And yes, she was counting. 

“Go away.” She heard Rosanna shout through the door. “I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“You haven’t even let me explain yet.” Safiya replied. 

“I don’t care what your excuse is. Just leave me alone.” Safiya stopped, at least they had a conversation. Rosanna had down right refused to look at her once they got into the car. 

Safiya went back to the lounge and sat on the couch. Head in her hands, she tried to come up with a way to make this right, but she couldn’t think of anything. She felt the couch move next to her. 

“So, who is this other Tyler?” The person asked. She looked up to see Tyler Oakley. Of course he was the one coming to talk to her, he loves the gossip. 

“He’s my best friend.” She replied. 

“That’s it?” Tyler raised an eyebrow. Rosanna didn’t get angry over much, so that couldn’t be it. There has to be more. 

“And my boyfriend, _technically_.” Safiya started playing with the bracelet on her wrist. Tyler feigned a shocked face. 

“Technically? Either he is or isn’t.” 

“He is, but I was going to break up with him. Except I got admitted into the hospital before I could do that.” Safiya explained. 

“Oh. So I guess it is a technicality.” Tyler replied. This was already a hot mess. 

“Yeah. I know, our relationship wasn’t going very well. We were both unhappy with the relationship. He was into someone else, and I was always so busy. And we knew we wanted to end it, we just couldn’t find the right time.” Safiya stood up and walked over to the counter, Tyler followed. 

“So why is Rosanna mad?” Tyler asked. 

“I don’t know. She won’t talk to me.” Safiya lied. Even though there was a problem, it wasn’t her place to tell Tyler about Rosanna’s secret. 

“Well there has to be a reason. You need to go see other Tyler. I, on the other hand, am going to talk to Rosanna. I don’t like seeing her mad.” Tyler started to walk away. 

“Bring MatPat with you, it would help.” Safiya called after him. He gave a quick nod and went off to find MatPat. Safiya leaned against the counter for little while longer. She was dreading meeting up with other Tyler. The last time she saw him, they were on bad terms. But she definitely didn’t know how bad he was. She let go of the counter and headed to room 3040, the number that Nurse Allison has given her. 

 

———————————————————

 

“Rosanna, honey, it’s me Tyler, and I’m here with MatPat. We just want to talk.” Tyler said through her door. He knew the door wasn’t locked, she wouldn’t be allowed to do that, but everyone knew the unspoken rule: if the door is closed, it’s the same as being locked. 

“Come in” He heard her say. He opened the door and immediately walked toward her bed. He saw that she was drawing, her preferred way of coping. He sat down and wrapped his arms around Rosanna. Matthew has come in as well, but he was silently sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at her. His eyes had an inquisitive look behind them. 

Tyler pulled back, “so what’s wrong?”

“She lied.” Rosanna whispered.

“What do you mean?” Tyler asked. 

“Be careful,” Matthew warned, “you’re emotional right now. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say if you weren’t crying.” Tyler gave him a look. The hell is he talking about? Matthew just shook his head. 

“Does it even matter anymore? It’s so stupid.” Rosanna said through her tears. “I’m Bi, just so you know. Don’t tell anyone.” Tyler opened his mouth to say something, but then he immediately closed it. “Matt, can you explain?”

“Sure.” He held reached out and grabbed her hand. “Rosanna and Safiya has a bit of a relationship. It just started, after my birthday party I believe. So that was a couple of weeks ago. I don’t think they ever said they were dating, but they basically were. I mean, Safiya kissed her.”

“No way. You’re joking.” Tyler cut him off. 

“She did. And yesterday, while we were ice skating, we found out she has a boyfriend.” Matthew finished. 

“She told me that. And she told me the rest of it.”

“I don’t care what she has to say. She has a boyfriend.” Rosanna set down her pencil. 

“She was going to break up with him.” Tyler tried to explain. 

“But she didn’t.” Rosanna countered. 

“She didn’t get the chance to. She got admitted before she could.” Tyler said. “They were on bad terms and he liked someone else, so they were going to break up.”

“She lied to me. She told me she didn’t have a boyfriend. She let me get my hopes up when in reality, I never should’ve in the first place. She led me on.” Rosanna went back to drawing. She had enough of this discussion. 

“Can you just try to hear her out? For me?” Tyler asked. 

“You owe me if I do.” Rosanna replied. 

“I’ll do whatever. I promise.” Rosanna looked him in the eyes. 

“You and me, we’re baking after this.”

“No! Anything but baking.” Tyler Jared baking with a passion. He loved the outcome, but the process was boring and messy and he didn’t have the patience for baking. 

“Sorry, you and me bake, or I don’t give Safiya a chance.”

“Fine.” Tyler let out a groan. “I swear to God I will end you if it ruins my clothes.” 

“I’m not giving you an apron, so have fun with that. Tell Safiya she can come in when she can.” Rosanna said. Tyler hopped off of the bed and left. 

“I don’t want to talk to her.” She whispered to Matthew. 

“I know, but in order to grow, you have to, whether you like it or not. Matthew replied. 

“That’s not fair.” 

“It’s not called being fair. It’s called being an adult.” Matthew gave her hand one last squeeze, and the he went to leave the room. 

“Why do you have to be so logical?” Rosanna called after him. 

“Because I have to be. Plus, where would the fun be if I wasn’t?” Matthew let out a chuckle and left Rosanna alone with her thoughts. 

 

———————————————————

 

Safiya has been standing outside of the door for 3 minutes and 48 seconds. She was trying to find the courage to knock, but she just couldn’t. She was scared, to be honest. She rose her hand to the door and knocked. She heard a faint “Come in” and she opened the door. 

The room was painted a light gray. There were two chairs against the wall facing the bed. Next to the bed was a small table with flowers and a get well soon card. In the bed was Tyler, and he didn’t look good. What would you expect from someone who just tried to kill their selves. Safiya took a deep breath. 

“Hi Tyler.” She sat on the bed. “It’s me, Saf.”

“Safiya?” He sat up. “This is where you’ve been?” 

“Yeah. It is. I’m a long term patient here. And now you are too.” Safiya said calmly. 

“What do you mean?”

“You tried to kill you self Ty, so you have to stay until Psych clears you, which won’t be for a while. So you’re a long term patient now.” Safiya places her hand on his. 

“Why?” She asked. 

“You wouldn’t understand.” Tyler pulled his hand back, he wouldn’t make eye contact with her. 

“Try me.” 

“I’m not good enough. I tried everything to be good enough. But I’m not. Not for my parents, not for my team mates, not for you. I’m not good enough for anyone. So I tried to do what they all told me to do, to kill my self.” Tyler started to cry. 

“You can’t think like that. They don’t know what they were talking about. That kind of thinking is what landed me here as well.” Safiya replied. 

“You tried to kill yourself too?” Tyler asked. 

“Not in the same sense as you. I’m anorexic and bulimic. I’m basically starving myself to death.” Safiya explained. “Who told you those things?”

“My soccer team mates, the people I thought were my friends, Hillary.” Tyler listed. 

“Oh.” Safiya knew who Hillary was. She was the other girl. The one he liked. The one that started the end of their relationship. “I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks, but sorry doesn’t really help.” Tyler scoffed. 

“Then what will? Tell me what you need.” Safiya asked. God she really hated him, but she still loved him. And she couldn’t stand seeing him like this. 

“I don’t know. A little less stress? People that don’t hate me? Something better than what I’ve got right now.”

“Well, I can help with one of those things. The other kids here, they’re really nice and accepting of everyone. I’m sure they’ll like you.” Safiya said. 

“I don’t know.” Tyler replied. I’m just really worried they’ll treat me like everyone else did.”

“I promise you, they won’t.” Safiya gave him a quick hug and went towards the door. 

“Saf, hold up a second.” Tyler called. She stopped by the door frame. 

“What’s up?”

“Are we, ok?” He asked tentatively. Safiya thought carefully about the words she was going to use. But it just seemed better to not give a straight answer. 

“We’ll talk about it later, when you’re a bit better.” Safiya replied. 

“If you’re ok waiting, then so am I.” Tyler have her a small smile. Safiya took a deep breath, and then left. 

She went back to lounge to take a breather. She didn’t realize how much of a struggle it would be to talk to him. They were best friends, they talked about everything. But now, she felt so disconnected. 

“Hey Saf,” MatPat said, “Tyler and I talked to Rosanna, and she said she was willing to talk to you when you were ready.”

“Really? What did you have to do to get her to agree to that?” Safiya knew some type of deal was struck. Rosanna was quite pissed at her and talking wouldn’t be the solution. 

“Tyler has to bake with her. It may seem like not a big deal, but-“

“I despise baking with a passion. It’s terrible and time consuming and boring. Plus, I could ruin my hair and clothes.” Tyler cut Matthew off. 

“Well thanks for doing that for me.” Safiya stood up and gave him a hug. “It means a lot.”

“It’s no big deal, I’m just taking one for the team.” Tyler replied. 

“Matt, could you do me a favor?” Safiya asked. 

“Sure, what do you need?”

“I need you to talk to Tyler for me. My Tyler, not the one standing next to you. Tyler just needs a friend or two, someone to talk to. And honestly, you’re one of the best people I know for that.”

“Yeah. I’ll do it. I’m going to bring Shayne and Damien with me though, to lighten the mood. They are the funniest people I know.” Matthew replied. 

“You two are the best.” Safiya have them a smile and then went of to Rosanna’s room.


	11. Running in Circles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I’m really hoping some people will read this because I wanted to let you guys know that I plan on doing a 12 One-Shots of Christmas, so I want your guys’ input. They can be from several different fandoms including Harry Potter/Fantastic Beasts, Star Wars, Grey’s Anatomy, Escape the Night, and a lot of different YouTubers.

Safiya didn’t know what was worse, the fact that they weren’t talking, or the fact that they would have to. Safiya kept opening her mouth to say something, but one glance at Rosanna told her to shut up. 

Rosanna looked pissed. So, extremely pissed. And she had every right to be. She was lied to for a long time. She was lied to by the girl she liked. Hell, maybe she even loved her, but right now she couldn’t even look at her with crying. 

“Well?” The smaller girl asked, refusing to look up. “Don’t you have anything to say?” 

“I’m sorry.” Safiya said. Rosanna turned to look at her tree of pictures. It was calming to her. 

“You already said that you’re sorry. You’re supposed to be explaining yourself right now.” Rosanna yelled. 

“Fine, he’s only my boyfriend because we weren’t able to break up. Both of us wanted to, but we never officially did. I meant to, but then I got admitted to the hospital and I couldn’t.”

“I heard you saw him today. Did you tell him then?” Rosanna asked. 

Safiya didn’t respond. She didn’t break up with him and she should’ve, but she just couldn’t do that to him. Not now. 

“I knew it.” Rosanna snapped. “You still like him. I’m not just some girl you can use as your rebound.” Rosanna hated getting as angry as she was right now. But she couldn’t help it. 

“You’re not a rebound!” Safiya exclaimed. “I couldn’t break up with him because he tried to kill himself and I don’t want him to get worse.” She placed a hand on Rosanna’s. “Please, give me a chance.”

Rosanna narrowed her eyes. “You want a second chance?” Safiya nodded. “Fine, but this is how it’s going to work. We’re friends, only friends, until you end it with Tyler. And then we’ll see how I feel.”

Safiya looked at Rosanna, trying to see if there was any chance at changing her mind, but she wasn’t budging.

“Ok. I will. I’ll tell him the next time I see him.”

“Now please, leave me alone.” Rosanna whispered, trying to hold back the tears she could feel coming on. 

“Ok.” Safiya slipped off of her bed and left the room. 

As soon as Rosanna heard the door close, she quickly texted Matthew and Stephanie. She knew that Stephanie was at the hospital today, and she really needed to talk to them. She took a deep breath. She didn’t realize she had the guts to be the assertive. 

 

———————————————————

 

As soon as Tyler Oakley, the resident gay, opened his mouth, she knew exactly what he was going to say. 

“Seriously, it’s been a week and you haven’t done it yet? You haven’t broken up with him? You and Rosanna belong together so why haven’t you done it yet?” Tyler asked Safiya. 

“It’s just never seemed to be the right time.” Safiya replied. 

“Do it now!” Tyler exclaimed. 

“No. We’re in class. How is that a good idea? I don’t need everyone knowing.” Safiya snapped at him. 

“Honey, it’s the same people you’ve been with for about 3-4 months. They already know everything that’s going on, they just don’t know to what extent.” Tyler gestured around the room. “Why don’t I do it for you?” Tyler stood up. 

“Hey other Tyler!” He shouted. Everyone turned around to look at them. Tyler had a confused expression on his face. 

“No!” Safiya pulled him back down. “Sorry everyone.” Rosanna rolled her eyes and turned back around. 

“Tyler, for once in your life just stop meddling. I’ll deal with it when I deal with it.” Safiya opened up her book and started reading. She had enough of Tyler’s antics for the day. 

“That’s not how this is going to work.” Tyler gave her an ultimatum. “Break up with him by the end of the day, or I will. That’s that.”

“But Tyler-“

“No buts!” Tyler replied. 

The teacher came back and dismissed the class. Safiya quickly walked over to Rosanna to try to talk to her. 

“Did you do it?” Rosanna asked, leaning against the desk. 

“No, I didn’t. I’m doing it today though.”

“Why haven’t you done it yet?” Rosanna’s eyes darted around the room. She was getting kind of antsy, uncomfortable even. 

“I didn’t have the courage to. Not how he is right now. He tried to kill himself a week ago. I didn’t want to set him off.” She took her hands. “But I care about you, so I’m going to.”

“You’re lying.” Rosanna pulled her hands back. “Stop lying to me. I know what Tyler tried to tell your Tyler. I’m not stupid. You’re not trying to protect him. You’re scared.”

“Rosanna please.” Safiya looked over her shoulder. Her friends had crowded around the window. 

“He gave you a choice. I don’t even understand. Just, leave me be.” Rosanna picked up her books and ran. She ran as fast as she could to her room. She couldn’t handle it. 

“Ro! Wait up!” Matthew shouted. He knew that she was in a bad place and didn’t want her to do anything rash.

 

———————————————————

 

“Tyler, I... I don’t know how to say this.” Safiya said. She looked up into the mirror. “What am I doing to myself?” She whispered to herself. She just needs to get it over with. 

Looking down at her watch, she decided now was the perfect time. It was almost the end of the day, and she was running out of time. 

_Screw it._ She thought. 

She ran up the stairs and headed directly to his room, not looking back. She was tired of disappointing everyone. 

She threw his door open. 

“Tyler!” She shouted. He jumped. 

“What? What’s wrong? Am I dying?” He freaked out. 

“No. No. I just.” She took a deep breath. “We’re done. Ok? We’re over. We are not dating anymore.” Safiya stated. 

“I’m sorry?” Tyler set down his phone. 

“You and I are not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.” Safiya restated. 

“I’m still confused. I thought we already broke up.”

“No, we didn’t. We never did officially.” Safiya sat down on his bed. How could he not remember? With everything they’ve been through they never actually ended it. 

“Oh yeah. That’s true. Well, I’m glad that it’s over now. Cause I’m with someone.” Tyler replied. 

“With who?” Safiya replied. 

“Her name’s Emily.” Tyler said. He pulled up a picture of her and showed it to her. 

“I see. Well that’s good. So we’re cool?” Safiya asked. 

“Yes. We’re good. And thank you.” Tyler replied. He went back to texting his friends. Safiya stood up and went to the door. She paused in the door frame. 

“Can you tell me why?” Safiya asked. 

“Why what?” 

“Why you tried to kill your self? I don’t get it. You had everything.” 

“It’s a long story. But judging by how quick you were to get up, you need to see someone. Who is he?” Tyler asked. “Is it that Manny guy?”

“A. Manny is gay. And B. It’s a She. Not a he.” Safiya left the room.


	12. Tentative Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: 
> 
> If anyone reading is particularly sensitive to depression and depressive tendencies like cutting, please skip over the middle section. The section starts at the first dotted line and ends at the second dotted line.

Safiya was sitting in her room with Damien and Shayne when she heard a soft knock on her door. They had just been discussing some personal matters, like their family and the progression of their illnesses. Shayne has finally been put on the transplant list for new kidneys. Damien was having more and more days where he was stuck in a wheelchair, like today. And Safiya, she was doing a little better, she had finally gained a little weight, but she could still hear the little voice in her head telling her she didn’t deserve food, and the she should go and throw up what she just ate.

Shayne got up and opened the door to see Rosanna standing there, looking kinda happy, but something was off. 

“We should probably go.” Damien removed the stoppers to his wheel chair and headed to the door. 

“Thanks for letting us talk to you about this. It means a lot.” Shayne said. 

“It’s no problem. Just let me know if you need to talk to me, I’m right here.” Safiya called after them. 

“We will.” Damien replied. “Hey Ro.” He said on the way out. 

“Hi.” Rosanna murmured. The two boys left the room as Rosanna entered. She closed the door behind her. Taking a deep breath, she walked over and sat down next to Safiya. Her hands were shaking. 

_She’s nervous, because of me?_ Safiya thought. She didn’t want to have that affect on Rosanna. She hated that she did that to her. 

Rosanna sat down next to Safiya on the little couch by the window. They sat there for few moments, not really knowing what to say. It was getting kind of awkward. 

“Tyler, well Tyler Oakley, not your Tyler, told me you did it. You broke up with him.” Rosanna broke the silence. 

“I did. And I had every intention of telling you right afterwards, but Shayne and Damien wanted to talk and I didn’t want to be rude.” Safiya explained. “They’re both getting worse.”

“Oh.” Rosanna place her arms on the table. Resting her head on her hands, she finally looked Safiya in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Safiya whispered. “I’m really sorry.”

“I don’t think I can do this again.” Rosanna felt a hand on her back. 

“Again?” Safiya didn’t understand what she was talking about. But then again, how could she?

“He died. We were happy, and he died because of what you have. How do I know it’s not going to end the same way?” Rosanna explained. “Everything good I ever have always goes awry.”

_She’s talking about Mike._ Safiya realized. She knew that it affected her, but she didn’t realize it still was. 

“You’re worried about me dying on you?” Safiya asked. 

“Yes? I don’t know. But when he died, I made some choices and they weren’t good.”

“I know. Stephanie told me some things.” 

“Stephanie only knows because she and Matt found me in the middle of cutting myself, crying my eyes out.”

 

———————————————————

She just got home from the hospital. They told her that the weird mass on her chest might be benign, but they couldn’t be sure until they got the test back from the lab, which could take a few days since they were backed up. 

She walked through her bedroom door and threw her bag in the corner. She flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. There were pictures of her with all of her friends littered across the ceiling, she smiled softly. She looked over toward her bed side table and picked up the picture frame sitting on it. 

The picture in the frame was of her and Mike. At first, she smiled softly. She really loved him. But then she could feel the tears start to come. She went into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it in the process. 

And then she was sobbing. She was sobbing on the cold, tile floor of her bathroom. She was sobbing but she couldn’t feel anything except for the cool touch of the blade in her hand. The little razor blade didn’t seem like it could do much, but it does. It held so much power over her and she was trapped. 

She looked down at her legs. They were coated with scars and cuts, scars and cuts she gave herself because she wanted to feel something other than sad. Scars and cuts she gave herself because she felt guilty, like she could’ve done more for him. But then it stopped doing anything for her. She couldn’t feel anything anymore. So she cut deeper when she stopped feeling it. 

She saw the little lines of blood start to run into each other. Like her legs were a plane of glass and these cuts were the cracks after the crash. She probably was. She couldn’t even tell how long she had been in the bathroom. 

She heard a soft knock on the door. She didn’t know that people were coming over that day. 

“Rosanna, honey I’m going to need you to talk to me. I’m here for you.” Stephanie said. Of course, her parents called them. Rosanna didn’t doubt that she could help her. It was a smart move from her parents, but she didn’t want help. 

“Rosanna please. Open the door.” Matthew begged. She had never heard him sound like this, so broken. 

“Just leave me alone!” She shouted through the door. “I can’t do this right now.”

“No, you listen to me. Open the damn door or I’m breaking it down.” Matthew demanded. Rosanna knew he was serious when he started cursing, so she unlocked the door. She knew what they would think, but she didn’t want her parents to have to pay to get the door fixed. 

Stephanie opened the door and gasped. She immediately wrapped her arms around the shorter girl. Whispers of ‘I’m sorry’ fell from her mouth. 

Matthew stood in the doorway for a second, taking it all in before opening the medicine cabinet and grabbing the first aid kit. 

“It’ll be ok. I promise. Just take a deep breath. I’ve got you now.”

 

———————————————————

 

“Oh.” There wasn’t anything else that Safiya could think to say. The two of them must’ve been the reason Rosanna got help. 

“Look.” Rosanna said as she folded back her skirt a little. She was wearing shorts that covered up what Safiya assumed was the majority of the scars, but she could see about twenty different scars on her legs, each varying in length. “I don’t think I could take it if you died.”

“Listen, I’m getting better. I’ve actually gained a pound or two. I’m eating again. I’m seeing people from psych which means I’m getting help.” Safiya explained. “They’re telling me I’m getting better.”

“I know, but what happens if you revert back to starving yourself?” Rosanna asked. 

“Well, I’m going to do my best to not go back, but if I do, I’ll get help again. I promise.” Safiya replied. 

“I just don’t know.” Rosanna replied. Safiya pulled the smaller girl into a hug. It was all she could think to do. 

“I care about you, deeply.” Safiya ran her hand across Rosanna’s arm. “And if you need time, then take as much as you need.”

“Thank you.” Rosanna whispered. 

“Any time.” Rosanna leaned into Safiya. “Oh hey, you still have to bake that cake with Tyler. If you decided on cake. I want front row seats to that.”

“We could do it now. I’ve got a bunch of time. And hey, I don’t have to worry about my hair becoming covered in flour.” Rosanna joked. 

“You might not be able to get flour in your hair, but I’m pretty sure you’ll still be covered head to toe in flour. I mean, it’s Tyler, can he even bake at all? 

 

“Yeah, I don’t think he can.” Rosanna let out a small laugh.

“I can go get him if you want.” Safiya offered. 

“That would be nice. I’ll go set things up.” Rosanna replied. She leaned away from Safiya and got up. She had a skip in her step. 

Safiya smiled softly. She was really happy that Rosanna was feeling better, but she could tell something was off. Something had changed, and she didn’t know if it was for better or for worse. 

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

“But the two of you made up! I thought I wouldn’t have to bake.” Tyler complained. He and Safiya were sitting on the couch in lounge, and he knew he said he would bake. But he just wanted to have them make up. 

“Sorry, But you promised her. And she is never going to let it go. So it’s better to get it over with sooner rather than later.” Safiya pointed out. 

“Yeah. You’re right.” Tyler agreed. “So what am I making?”

“I think it’s a cake. I don’t know. But we can find out by going to the kitchen.” Safiya replied. 

“Ugh. Fine.” Tyler rolled his eyes. 

 

When they got to the kitchen, Tyler’s jaw dropped. _You’ve got to be kidding me._ Rosanna has everything set up. The ingredients were laid out on one side of the kitchen island, already measured out, and the kitchen appliances and utensils were on the other side. However, Rosanna wasn’t there. 

“Wow.” Tyler finally said. 

“I know, right?” Safiya replied. She hopped up on the counter top across from the island. 

“So Tyler, you ready to bake?” Rosanna asked as she walked through the door. 

“I guess. But I want an apron.” Tyler looked around for one. “Where are they?”

“You’re not getting one.” Rosanna laughed. “You have to get the full experience.”

“Can I at least change?” Tyler asked. 

“Nope.” Rosanna said. “Oh hey, I’ve got an idea. Since this is probably the only time I’ll ever bake with you, we should record it. Safiya, will you?”

“Of course, I want to remember this forever.” Safiya agreed. 

“Oh boy.” Tyler groaned.


	13. Let Them Eat Cake!

“Hey guys! So today, I’m here with my wonderful friend Tyler Oakley!” Rosanna said to the camera. This was his punishment, and she wanted him to remember it forever. 

Tyler glared at her and then looked back to the camera. “Hey everyone!”

“We’re going to be making a Super Mario Bros. themed cake!” Rosanna finally informed him. 

“Wait, really?” Tyler said. “That’s actually pretty cool.”

“Yeah. And I have some Mario characters like Princess Peach and Toad that we can put on it.” 

“So how are we going to do all of that?”

“Well, we’re going to be making a two tiered cake with a topper made of fondant. Think you can handle that?”

“Um, that sounds like it’ll take a long time.” Tyler looked down at the table. There were a lot of ingredients, now that he thought about it. 

“It will.” Tyler stared at her. “Hey, this is your first time baking with me. I have to make the most of it.” Rosanna shrugged. 

“Ugh. Fine. But if I have to be here. Safiya has to be here too.” Tyler pointed at Safiya. 

“I’m going to be here until you guys are done. I’m not missing out on you ruining your clothes. Plus, someone has to work the camera to capture this momentous occasion.”

“Oh hush.” Tyler joked. “You know I don’t like baking.” 

“You shouldn’t have promised then.” Safiya replied.

“I only promised because I wanted you two to start talking again.” Tyler whined. 

“Well we are, so we thank you for that, but you and I are still baking.”

“Fine.” Tyler finally agreed. 

“Ok then.” Rosanna turned towards the camera. “Let’s get started!” 

“What do we do first?” Tyler asked. 

“We have to mix the dry ingredients together. See that taped line? The ingredients on the right of it are for one tier and the ingredients on the left are for the other tier. Mix the left dry ingredients first.”

“What’s different about them?” Tyler asked as he grabbed a bowl. 

“One’s a chocolate recipe and the other is vanilla. But the chocolate one has to bake longer since it’s going to be a bigger cake. So you’re mixing that one first.”

“Ok. That’s easy enough.” Tyler said as he got to work mixing the dry ingredients. Rosanna started to mixed the wet ingredients.

 

———————————————————

 

“And now we wait for them to bake.” Rosanna said as she put the bowl into sink to be washed. 

The two of them had just finished making the vanilla batter and had put it in the oven with the chocolate cake. 

“So what’s next?” Tyler asked. 

“Lunch. Also, you should look in a mirror.” Rosanna giggled. Tyler looked down at his outfit to see it covered in flour and cocoa powder. He had been wearing a black shirt with paste blue pants, but now it looked like there were white and prowl paint splatters all over his outfit. 

“How did that even happen!” He exclaimed. 

“You’re just messy like me. Anyways, Nurse Allison said she would bring our lunch here. So we need to clean up this mess while we wait.”

“Ugh. Ok.” Tyler started working on the dishes. Safiya, knowing they would need help, hopped down from the counter and decided to help Rosanna collect the bowls and measuring cups for Tyler to wash. 

“So, what’s next?” Safiya asked Rosanna. 

“We have to make the icing and the fondant topper.” 

Safiya placed the dishes by Tyler. “You really went all out didn’t you.”

“Yup. I’m making the most of it.” Rosanna replied, placing her dishes next to Safiya. She grabbed the cleaner from underneath the island and sprayed down the counter. 

“I’m going to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back bitches!” Tyler announced and he walked out. 

“Does he always have to be that extra?” Safiya asked. She could remember every single time Tyler said something like that. He said it all the time, and he was proud of it. 

“That’s just his personality. Get used to it.” Rosanna replied. 

“I mean, it’s charming, but still.” Safiya added. She took over Tyler’s job of washing the dishes. “You should set up the stuff for the frosting.” 

“I was just about to do that.” Rosanna went over to the drying rack and looked for the dishes she needed. She grabbed a few and dried them off. She went back over to the island and separated the ingredients out. 

To say Rosanna was anxious, would be an understatement. She knew that they were the only two left in the kitchen, and that Tyler probably did that on purpose. But she told Safiya that she needed time, and she was going to take it. But she was starting to question if she wanted time. 

“Are you ok?” Safiya asked. “Normally you’re super chatty. Did I do something?” She looked over at Rosanna from the sink. 

“No. You didn’t. It’s nothing, really.” Rosanna replied, frozen in place. She heard Safiya turn of the water and take a few steps towards her. 

“I can go if you need me to.” Safiya suggested. 

Rosanna turned to face her. “No!” She said a little too quickly. “Stay, please.”

“You sure?”

Rosanna reaches for Safiya’s hand. “I’m sure.”

Rosanna laced her fingers with Safiya’s. She knew she should stop but she didn’t want to. Safiya gave a quick squeeze and let go. 

“I thought you wanted space.” Safiya whispered. It felt as if the room was suffocating her, and whispering seemed like the only option. 

“I know I did. I just don’t know if I want it anymore.” Rosanna replied. 

“Give it a week. Wait another week and if you don’t want to wait anymore, than we won’t. You might feel differently tomorrow. So we’ll wait.” Safiya suggested. 

“Ok.”

 

———————————————————

“And now we add the fondant topper that we just made. Tyler, would you like to put it on top?” Rosanna asked. Tyler nodded and took the topper off the table. He got on the step stool and placed on top. 

“Tada!” Rosanna said, gesturing towards the cake. “We just made a two tiered Super Mario Bros themed cake. Tyler, how’d you like your first time baking?”

“It wasn’t too bad, but it could’ve been better if I was covered in ingredients. My pants may never return to their original color.” 

“You’ll be fine.” Rosanna turned back towards the camera. Thanks for watching and we’ll see you next time. Bye!” Safiya turned the camera off. 

“Next time?” Tyler asked. 

“I’m thinking of recording all of my baking creations. After all, these are my recipes and designs.”

“Wait, really?” Safiya asked. 

“Yeah. You get a lot of spare time when you’re in the hospital.” Rosanna replied. “Now, let’s invite all of our friends to have a slice.”

“Can I change first?” Tyler asked. 

“Nope. You have to show of the mess you made.” 

“Lovely. Safiya, since you look presentable, can you round them up?”

“Sure.” Safiya hopped off the counter and went to find them. 

 

“So. What happened?” Tyler asked. 

“What do you mean?” Rosanna asked. 

“You know, what happened when I left?” Tyler asked again. He wanted the tea, and he was going to get it, one way or another. 

“Nothing happened. We cleaned the dishes and set up the frosting ingredients.” Rosanna said. _Technically_ , that’s all that happened. She just didn’t give him all of the details. 

“I meant between the two of you. I know you guys. You can’t slip anything past me. The energy in the room was different when I returned.” Tyler argued. 

“Nothing happened.” Rosanna lied. Something did happen, she just wasn’t going to tell him. 

“Fine. If you insist. But I _will_ get it out of Safiya.”

“No, don’t. We’re already skating on thin ice.” Rosanna pleaded. 

“You have to tell me.” Tyler stated. “Or I’m asking her.”

“We just talked. And agreed to wait one more week.” 

“How did this agreement come about?” Tyler asked. 

“I grabbed her hand.”

“Oh. So she suggested it. Interesting.” Tyler replied. 

“Yeah, but that’s it. I promise. Now help me find the paper plates.”

 

———————————————————

 

“How are they holding up?” Manny asked Tyler. They were both sitting with Mark, Phil, and Mathew. Tyler took another bite of cake. 

“They seem fine for now, but it might not be in a week.”

“What do you mean?” Mark asked. 

“Rosanna said it herself, they’re skating on thin ice. And in a week, they agreed to stop waiting. So either it’s all going to be happily ever after, or shit’s going to go down.” Tyler replied. 

“You don’t know where they stand with each other?” Phil asked. 

“No. They could be waiting to end their friendship till next week, or they could become a couple. Lord knows what could happen. 

“Oh. I think they’ll last through this. Its just a matter of how they feel. And I don’t know about Safiya, but I know Rosanna, and the only thing keeping her is the whole anorexia and bulimia thing because of how she lost Mike.” He paused. “Also, how do you three know what’s going on between them. I thought only Tyler and I knew.” MatPat said. 

“Oh please, it’s not like they were subtle about it. You’d have to be blind to not see it. Actually, a blind person could see it too.” Manny replied. 

“Plus, that whole argument they had isn’t one ‘just friends’ have. Girls don’t get upset over their friends having a boyfriend for no reason.” Phil added. 

“Ro could’ve been jealous if Safiya. You never know.” Matthew suggested. 

“I don’t think Ro’s the type of person that would get jealous over another girl’s boyfriend.” Mark said as he got up to throw away the plates. 

“You’re right. She isn’t.” Matthew admitted. 

“So what could happen in a week?” Manny asked. Mark sat back down, eyeing the two girls. They were sitting on the counter in the kitchen, eating cake and laughing. 

“Well, I think there are three possible outcomes. They end their friendship, they decide to stay friends, or they decide to become a couple.” Tyler said. 

“You must’ve thought about this a lot.” Matthew looked over at Tyler. “However, there’s at least two other outcomes.”

“And they are?” Tyler asked. 

“They could completely avoid the topic, which means they don’t decided anything or they could decide to wait even longer.” Matthew replied. “Technically they could forget as well, but I don’t think that’s possible. I’m pretty sure it’s all they’ll be thinking about.”

“We should stop speculating. I mean, we’ll know in a week. That’s not that far away.” Phil said.

“I agree. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen in a week?”


	14. A Turn of Events

“Is he going to be ok?”

“What’s going on?”

“Can we help him?”

“Where’s the nurse?”

“Someone go find a nurse. Any nurse at all!”

 

——————— 5 hours ago ——————

 

“So wait, there’s now a chance of you surviving?” Matthew asked Mark. They were playing a game of chess when Mark brought it up. 

“Yeah. I’m on the wait list for a new pair of lungs.” Mark said. 

“But you’ve always been on the wait list.” Matthew interrupted. 

“I know, but apparently I’ve been moved up.” Mark shrugged his shoulders and moved a piece. 

“That means you’re getting worse.” Matthew moves his piece. “Check.”

“I know.” Mark moved a piece and blocked Matthew’s. “And I’m scared.” He whispered. 

“Just think of it this way. You’re going to get better soon. You’ll get a new pair of lungs and then you’ll be out of here.” Matthew suggested. 

“I guess. But what if my body rejects the lungs? What if they don’t find a match for me in time?”

“Those are all what ifs. That might not happen. You have to stay positive. Do you have a pet? Someone you look forward to seeing when you get home?”

“Yeah.” Mark said. 

“What’s their name?” Matthew asked. 

“Her name’s Chica. She’s my dog. I’ve also got a friend name Sean. People tend to call him Jack. But he lives in Ireland, or he did, until he moved to England.”

“Well, think of seeing Chica and Sean when you get out of here. You just have to stay positive.”

“Thank you.” Mark replied. 

“No problem. Oh, and Checkmate.”

 

“They’ve been talking for hours.” Tyler whined. “Why can’t they just agree they’re perfect together?”

“Because they’re 17 and careful. Two qualities that don’t make for the best combination.” Manny replied. “Well, at least when they’re talking theirselves out of something amazing.” 

The two boys looked back at the door to Safiya’s room. The two girls had closed it for privacy and it was eating at the two of them that they didn’t know what was going on in there. 

Shayne and Damien walked down the hallway. “Hey guys, what are you-“

“Shhh!” Manny and Tyler said. 

“What’s going on?” Shayne whispered. 

“Not much.” Manny lied. He wasn’t sure if Shayne and Damien knew about the two girls, so he didn’t want to tell them. 

Damien looked at the door. “Ohhhh. I get it. It’s that Safiya and Rosanna will they won’t they thing, right?”

“How did you guys know?” Tyler asked. 

“We over heard you guys when we were having cake. Besides, we suspected something anyways. You just confirmed it.” Shayne replied. 

“What do you think’s going on?” Damien asked. 

“I don’t know. But I’m worried. They’ve been in there for about two hours. 

 

“So what did you use to do for fun?” Rosanna asked Safiya. They were both laying on Safiya’s bed, neither of them could make eye contact with the other. 

“Well, I would read a lot, but I was also into make up. I liked to mix a little bit of all my make up together to make a “frankenmakeup”. Like, I have a “franken-liquid lipstick. It’s actually really pretty.”

“That sounds really fun. I used to bake a whole lot more than I do now. I would constantly make new recipes and there would always be a new dessert to try every week.” Rosanna replied. 

“That sounds delicious. If I wasn’t anorexic I would’ve loved that.”

“You could love it once you get better.” Rosanna added. They grew quite for a moment. 

“Do you think they’re still out there?” Rosanna asked. 

“Yeah. I mean, it is Tyler Oakley we’re talking about.” Safiya said. The two got quiet again. Rosanna just looked back down at her sketch pad. 

“We should talk.” Rosanna finally said. 

“I know. What are you thinking?” Safiya asked. 

“I like you a lot.” Rosanna said quietly. “And you have eating disorders. That shouldn’t matter. And now that I’ve had time to think, it doesn’t matter. I don’t know if you’ll end up like Mike, but it doesn’t matter. You’re not him. So I’d rather spend my time with you, instead of against you.”

“Ok then.” Safiya said. She slowly moved her hand towards Rosanna’s, testing the water. Rosanna moved her hand closer. The two girls laced their fingers together, the first time after their huge argument. Rosanna felt at home. 

“You know what would be really funny.” Safiya said. 

“What?”

“If you or I ran out of my room upset. Especially if the boys are still out there.”

“That would just be mean. We’d be tricking them.” Rosanna said through her giggles. 

“So? They _are_ being nosy if they’re still out there.” Safiya shrugged her shoulders. “And we are actresses, we could pull it off really well.”

“Fine.” Rosanna gave in. “If it’ll make you happy.” Rosanna hopped off the bed. “You running or am I?”

“You. I have the perfect plan for what I’m going to do. Just say something like ‘leave me alone’ or whatever.”

“Ok.” Safiya hopped off the bed as well. Rosanna walked over the door. She took a deep breath and flung it open. She saw the boys jump. 

“Fine! Forget I said anything!” Rosanna yelled at Safiya. She turned back towards the boys, fake tears streaming down her eyes. She looked startled for a second, and then ran off. 

“Rosanna wait!” Safiya yelled. She ran up to the door. “Dammit.” She whispered under her breath. She leaned against the door frame and slid down, head in her hands. She looked up for a second and saw Manny, Tyler, Shayne, and Damien sitting there. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked through fake sniffles. 

“What happened?” Manny asked. 

“I thought things were going well.” Tyler said. 

“Well no. Apparently my eating disorder is too much right now. She’s too worried that I’ll end up like Mike.” Safiya lied. She walked back into her room and the boys followed her. 

“But you told her that you were getting better, right?” Damien asked. 

“Of course. But you know how hard losing Mike was.” Safiya continued to lie. She texted Rosanna to come back. 

“That’s so sad. I was rooting for you guys to work.” Shayne said. 

“How did you even know about us?” Safiya asked Shayne and Damien. The two boys looked at each other. 

“We just had a feeling.” 

Safiya saw Rosanna slip back into the room as the boys were still pestering her with questions. 

“You know, I just want to lay down for a bit. I’m really tired.” Safiya said. Rosanna took that as her cue to run up and jump on the bed next to her. 

“Bitch!” Manny screamed. 

“You scared the shit out of us!” Tyler added. 

“What are you doing here? I thought you were mad.” Damien asked. 

“We were acting!” Rosanna giggled. 

“Yeah, you guys were being nosy so we wanted to trick you.” Safiya replied. 

“So you’re fine?” Shayne asked. 

“Yeah. We’re great.” Rosanna said and held Safiya’s hand. 

“Is everyone ok?” Phil asked from the door frame. Matthew and Mark has also come over. “We heard some scream and we wanted to know if everyone was ok.”

“We’re good.” Tyler said. “I’m hungry, anyone want to go get some food?”

“Matthew, I don’t feel so good.” Mark whispered. 

“What’s wrong?” Matthew asked, his voice rising in pitch, giving away his concern. 

Mark started wheezing. “I... I can’t... breath.” His eyes fluttered shut as he fell to the floor. 

“Mark!” Matthew shouted. “Somebody do something!” He yelled at the group. 

“Is he going to be ok?” Rosanna asked. She looked down at the floor and saw Mark in his new condition. 

“What’s going on?” Shayne asked as he moved towards Matthew. 

“Can we help him?” Tyler asked. He placed two fingers on Marks neck in search of a pulse, and once he founded it, he checked for signs of breathing. 

“Where’s the nurse?” Phil asked as he looked down the hallway. 

“Someone go find a nurse. Any nurse at all!” Damien yelled. Safiya took off running down the hallway, silently praying that Mark would be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! Sorry this is really late, I’ve just been sick. Let me know what you guys think about the story so far.


	15. A/N

I hope you guys didn’t think this was an actual chapter update, because it’s more of a life update. 

So for right now, I’ll be putting all of my works on pause because I'm having a few problems. 

The first problem is that I just don’t have a lot time right now. I've got SMAC(southern Maryland athletics championship) for swimming coming up, a musical audition, Destination Imagination, and a lot of homework to deal with. So until most of that goes away, it’ll be on pause. 

The second problem is writers' block. Yeah, it’s that bugger. I can't seem to find the right place to take some of my stories. Like I have ideas, but then as soon as I start writing it doesn’t go anywhere and it seems to drag. So if anyone reading this has any advice, let me know down in the comments. It would be greatly appreciated. 

And finally, and I’m just struggling to be happy. I have a lot of family and personal issues going on. Like my twin brother has depression and he's been suicidal. So I’m more worried about if he'll wake up in the morning than writing the next chapter. And some personal issues are that I don’t really like who I am at the moment and I don’t feel like I’m doing enough. So if anyone has any advice on that, I’d like it a lot. The ETN community is like a second family to me (as well as my swim and theater family. I guess I have four families then? I don’t really know) and you’re all so kind. 

But yeah, that’s basically what’s going on. I don’t know when I’ll be posting again. I’m hoping it'll be soon. But until then, keep on writing and reading.

-Alyssa

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I plan on updating this story every Tuesday. Hope you like it.


End file.
